Thursday, January 20, 2011

Last breath

She grasped my hand. Hung on for dear life.
I felt every pulse from our life together, in those last minutes.
There was no way I wanted to let go.
33 years from the moment she held me in my first moments, seconds before my first wail..she would leave in the evening of the very same day. As I grasped a little gentler, her grip tightened.

I love you dear.

I lay my head on her lap and felt the words rising. A song.
Quietly ending with whispers, uttering..there lay a blessing with both of our hearts. “Over the mountains and the sea..your love for me now overflows, ..and I will daily lift my hands, I’ll let the healer set me free..

She took one last look at me soaking in all the moments we have had, all the times that we shared. Her eyes gave me a clear message, that I was a deep part of her life, and she knew from that long pause in this short life that it was time..I felt my soul ache for a moment. The knowing look, that heaven was waiting.
Our last encounter,
our goodbye.

This song is an invitation to let go,
When you have a chance to listen, enjoy.
From her album Finding Beautiful.

(c)2004 Jaylene Johnson

You always found a way to be in wonderland
You could turn your head and laugh at bitter days
So as I held your fragile hand I couldn’t help but think
That my sadness for your broken life seemed out of place

Cause in the loneliness and sorrow of that sterile room
Amid the waiting that hung heavy in the air
A glory meshed with murmurings your efforts made
And approached you as the end came near

And I could almost hear the angels
As they sang their heavenly song
I could almost hear them saying
Welcome home

I watched you as your glazed eyes looked around you
And I wondered at the things that you could see
Then spirit met raw life in suspended time
And I didn’t dare breathe

They bent to kiss your cold forehead and say their last goodbye
Their tears fell warm upon your face
But with quiet peace, joy at your release
You embraced a brand new day

And I could almost hear the angels
As they sang their heavenly song
I could almost hear them saying
Welcome home


Colleen said...

Alicia? How are you?
This is a beautifully written post and so very sad.
I'm so sorry for your loss. So terribly sorry.

Alicia said...

Dear Colleen, your words felt like a hug. Thank you.
After a peaceful sleep, I felt a gentle nudging last night to write this memory of my Grandma, from her parting hours on my last Birthday.

Kmarie said...

Achingly beautiful. Sorry dear friend as the bitter part of leaving stays on this side of heaven. Thank God for the precious gift of memory.

ForeverHis said...

Your post was wonderful in all it's raw heartache. I'm sorry you had to lose your Grandma on your birthday of all days, but what a heart-wrenchingly beautiful story you have. Writing can be quite therapeutic.

whimsys otherside said...

what a beautiful picture of goodbye, soft and loving and sad and yet with room for rejoicing purely filled with all the truth of it, my heart goes out to you today and always, as you make your way in the world with the memories, and the loss. i love you

Daryl said...

Beautifully said, Alicia. So much emotion in your words. I'm so glad you had that chance to say goodbye.