Tuesday, November 17, 2009

This week we celebrated the littlest lady and our First Born Son.

2 years have flown by faster than his first decade I must say!
10 & 2 Whew, I can't imagine yet, but one day I will be  watching them leave home....
To listen to their future dreams and introduce us to their own new loves.
Then one day maybe only 10 years from now we will hear about travelling and their parents can live vicariously through them.
Will the second decade of parenting go by faster? How will I ever remember all the sweet details that show up in our daily lives. How will I remember their quirks that hung on for so long.
Asher had an army crawl that was so fun to watch and he would always do the splits, swirl his legs behind him and then take off on his elbows propelling him so fast.
Azaelea danced her way to 22 months, bopping her bum up and down but no walking
until one day....
Then there is our other 2 that make up 4 amazing children,
Ethan had this amazing smile that would spread from ear to ear if Coldplay was playing and he adored having a baby doll to carry around cradled in his one arm...
Kai will still put a cape on and build the largest forts and he is one that has always tried to figure out how things work, by first taking it apart.
Day to Day in all its adventures is one day only going to be loving memories, sigh.

Friday, October 30, 2009

October (part deux)

This has been a productive month with projects
well on the way and some even getting finished.

Kai has asked me so intently,
"mom can you knit me a cape, if you have time?"
So we picked up some camoflauge yarn and have
had fun designing one together
it should be done next week at least he would love if it was.
Pictured on this post are 2 favourite hats that I shared the patterns
for in a previous blog. Pixie & boyfriend.

Tomorrow instead of worrying about too much sugar
and hand sanitizing this year, we have chosen to celebrate
a Birthday with a friend who was born on Hallowe'en.
It was very touching when we (the parents) posed the
question to our children.
They all had a chance to answer and they all really wanted to
go on a 'trip' to see friends in Edmonton.
Looking forward to visiting around a fire
and spending time enjoying the company.
I do miss those fun Hallowe'en traditions growing up
of skipping around the neighbourhood trick or treating,
bobbing for apples, hay rides,
pumpkin carving and pies.
Happy Hallowe'en!!

~A question to my knitting friends, I would like to
successfully learn how to half brioche stitch and
get lost after the first row. please help!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

 (Originally not posted on January 28, 2009)

I Dream Memories

Sunday night after a full day of memories and tears and hugs I tried to lay down and rest.

There was a prayer that I silently had on my heart all day and that is Lord may we go in peace with the strength that only You can bless us with. Jesus be our love....

When I lay down I could not close my eyes my friends face was there over and over again, and I began to remember. I remembered the first day we met the youth when Drew was asking us to help him lead, and a friendly face was all I needed to see that day, but one I remember the most.

I remember sometimes wanting to share my testimony so much but fearing the words would not come out right, and a friendly voice encouraging me to keep going and share what I can. I remember someone I had never met dying in an unfortunate car accident, right near their home and fearing my tears were not from me I continued to their home. Tears and no words all I could muster was I am sorry, and all I needed to see was my friend walking away and letting me cry.

I remember arriving at your home with our very first baby, and your first baby was there waiting to greet us and that moment is so precious.
Keep friends as family and they will share their families warmth, laughter and kindness on these well worn walking tracks with you, as a guide or a companion.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Happy Birthday To You
Happy Birthday To You

Happy Birthday to Daddy/Daryl
Happy Birthday To You!!!!!!!!!

We truly love you so much.

Thursday, October 08, 2009

My poor subconcious mind is having a turmoil this week.
On the occasion that these are growing pains, it will need to be celebrated at a later date.

A week ago Thursday the first incident was that one son was having trouble with a bully
pushing him around during Lunch.
At school we were already speaking to his teacher about including him in the class. Addressing that it was better to not give him extra attention. He was responding bitterly too. We asked that instead could they please add his desk back with the rest of his classmates.
That ruling was passed, yes lots of details but I really do not want to explain here now.,,,,
Then he says please let me stay home from school, (first clue), after school during routine inspections his lunch container is smashed with minor evidence that it has been stomped on, he is mortified of course, because it is sooo messy. Both of his older brothers offer to sit with him in the lunchroom. After calling and what would seem like a peaceful conclusion has been set, son #2 wins an award in front of the school, Hooray! So Son #1 sits alone in a classroom with Son #3. After eating, son#3 stays in class all through recess because he was waiting to be excused. In the process of being alone and fidgety he accidentally cuts the very tip of his finger off with his own scissors!!
Onwards mommy soldier comes in to find out how we can resolve these problems only to land an argument with his teacher. At the end we decide that it is best if we just see it as it is. A challenge and to carry on with the full awareness that we have a year of hand fullness.
Long story, I had a grand encounter with all the teachers that were involved and that issue is
being dealt with well.

On to our weekend, many prayers and many questions and the quiet assurance that Jesus can be our answers when I am trying to regain trust and my own heart back.

Monday Son #1 has a life altering problem that he wants to share. A boy that he thought was a friend last year is harrassing him in the bathroom. Red flags go off! Now with all the descriptions recorded, Prayers have been answered in the most amazing ways. We met with his principal and were reassured with the complete trust that this matter will now be resolved. I watch as Son #1 has a regained confidence to tackle some of lifes challenges.

Right now, in this very moment all I want to do is find a circle that I can share my life with, all the secrets and all the details, just let it all out! Just an answered prayer that my subconcious would have a load off and I will be able to carry on to see who and what gifts that the Lord wants to reveal in my life.

Over tea if asked we can have a lovely talk about the deeper sides of these life stories from this last week, but here on this journal I will try my best to leave out most details.....

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Realizing I am a people lover

It is true, really.
I love people and how they lift you up. Take you flying with their encouragement.
When at best I just have a few words to share, they are received with so much gratitude.
How on earth can you take stock of friends,
and why would we ever need to, when
surrounded with so much joy?
Tell me how to pray and I will still pray the way I need to, that is how the heart works, you take a step of faith and listen.
I spent some time in the mountains last weekend. A bit lost, and awkward, because there was no way to tell if I was enjoying myself. But I had a little visitor, a baby boy that is my friends dear son. His mom who is a lovely friend needed to shop in the stores for awhile. As we stood on a corner there were plenty of opportunities to say hi at passersby, smile when they adored him, and give a few compliments to complete strangers. I was floored by the way their faces lit up. By close examination you would think that I should be a tourist and walking around seeing the sights. But as lost as I felt it was a great content to just know where I was at. As an added impact there was a familliar face from years past crossing the street smiling widely and we connected for a few brief moments. You never know where your heart is at when it is searching but what I do know is..
 I am a people lover.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Again this heart is hiding...

Dreams are taking me to far off slumber where I am lost in answers.
Answers that may need to stay deep down.
Deep down in my heart where it can write its own story.
A story where everything that is written is understood.
Understood with words that are spoken gracefully and with a determination.
Determination to settle in for the long travels that are ahead, both from the past and in the future.
In the future a book will be written here in my heart hiding there so that it can not be judged.
Judged by those who refuse to see deeper than what they understand.

Again this heart is hiding it has come to a place that is raw and still runs full steam ahead.
Ahead of challenges, ahead of hurting memories, ahead of numbers and time frames that I try to avoid.
Trying to avoid it never works, if there is something and someone that needs to be encountered it will happen.

In the least likely way, as if appearing in my sight from negative to positive.
Positive because that is what all solutions are made of and its the main ingredients that are needed.
Needed in a heartfelt way that even in my feeble attempts to portray those thoughts in words its becoming a downward spiral.

Please see my heart, and know that my words are not possibly able to describe where I am at right now.
Hear my prayers as they are whispered but felt deep in the core of this being.
Join my thoughts and open the door of understanding.
 There will be someone Jesus sends who has an unquenchable delight in quiet solitude that leads to our lives intertwining with poetry.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

What have I learned this year?
Here are some impacts that are in my thoughts.

-A friend of the same cloth that has similar threads and that have been sown close to yours is truly still the most unique friend to have.

-Food will control me when my deepest desire is to hide from the truth.

-Memories take over my dreams and build stories that could have happened and I wake up in sheer terror hoping that its possible for my brain to lie.

-Taking a step of faith is not as easy as cleaning house.

-To live laugh and love is the best medicine for the heart.

-Truthfully expressing my heart in my deepest thoughts is prayer that is worth repeating forever.

-Therapy by myself can include folding laundry and doing dishes even if it is time consuming at least no one else wants to do it with me.

-To believe I can/will lose a relationship is a heartfelt sadness.

-Farmers have markets that attract artists. I like to visit these markets in a center of white topped tents where baskets are filled with their yummy creations that I get to take home.

-Writing without ceasing is going to form stories that need to be told.

-Secrets of the heart that dig deep into the core of a family, have been kept too long and they need to be shared after decades of silence.

-Quirky is as quirky does..

-4 children bring and have so many different love languages they are eager to learn.

-A family that is built on trust prays earnestly loves deeply and walks faithfully, this is what I am told, and hope that happens too.

-This may go for another year, so finally here I have learned that if you put your mind to it, a story of a family who took a fast from convenience has inspired me to reach new depths of my ideas.
To write them down.
It has kept my attention longer than I imagined it would, and in their gifts to their amazing family, I see a book that could be published for someone like myself who can see change begin to happen, but they have experienced the raw truth of a year lived straight back to our growing roots....

What is something that has impacted you this year?

Friday, May 22, 2009

Linden Sandy Park

This is the day I pay tribute to the park my children have beckoned us to visit day after day for over 9 years now.
Oh sand park you are here through thick and thin in walking distance and a neighbour friend. Many have come and gone but we are here to say that you have stood through the test of time. Through many sunny days, afternoons and windy picnics we have enjoyed the calm serenity of you as a constant friend. Hope the months that seem like years where you are buried under mounds of snow are not too lonely. maybe this year we will build a snowman right in the center to stand tall in honour of your patience! See you soon.

Years of writing has taught me a few things.
Such as how to fall in love with words when
Life is the definition of Insanity.
Let us be what we enjoy in so many ways in so many layers.
Peeling back layers causes me to see how to pray deeper.
Now its remembering to squeal with joy when delights
are daydreamed.
While trying to release the intense pressure to cry.
Wonderful tears even by myself as I picture joy in these words....
Ocean~ mountains~ road trips~ lavender fields
free range~ organic~ cotton~ seaweed~ rice~ sushi
windy afternoons~ growing~ planting~
fair trade~books read so many times the pages are worn in
mossy paths~ giggles~ children squealing~ skinny dipping~
streaking~ late night swims~ early morning dips~ running
long walks~ hiking~ glorious sun~sailing~ shady picnics
collecting rocks~ searching for sand dollars~climbing trees
sons~ daughter~ husband~ being a wife~ falling in love~
living life~ laughing lots~ creating~ cooking~ experimenting
building~ crafts~ pictures~painting~ writing~ exploring
trees~ birds~ animals~ flowers~ learning~ sharing~
opening up~ listening to the heart~ conversations~ Praying

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Do you feel it calling in the air tonight "Hold On"

This morning I woke up feeling so much joy it hurt.
Last night I cried myself to sleep.
A dear friend asked me this week, if I have a feeling of 'Anywhere but here?
I sure do and I cry every time I think of it.
Oh the memories; I miss hearing these phrases.
~The ocean is just over there, can't we go see it?
~Not right now dear let us go to the local market to pick some fruit from the vines.
~The mossy paths in my Grandma's back yard are so fun to explore....let's go!
~Want to go Skinny dipping in our backyard pond?
The moments that seem like forever ago.
I don't want to run away, my friends and family are surrounding us here. Pouring out love and
encouraging all of us to reach out and not drown in hopeful escape routes.
Really what is better than a full quiver of children calling me MOM and a dear Husband who provides everything to make our family feel safe and secure.
I have climbed up in my tree again and have no one to understand how to talk me down again, When all I am concentrating on is what is OUT THERE???
I will listen to anyone who wants to share,
and I just need to learn how to share myself, and let someone else listen to my heart.

Friday, April 17, 2009

I Truly Love My Birthday!

April 17, 1977

My family went to an import store today and got amazing treasures from around the world.

And our friends will gather tonight for some more celebrating!

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Just a Taste

This morning as I woke up to the sounds of my children playing laughing and crawling around, I heard a familiar laugh on my side of the bed. Pk-bo! Zae was trying her best to say peek a boo and laughing so hard at herself. It was great, the sun was bright and it was another morning wondering how to wake up peacefully. As I walked out the door with the little playful girl in my arms the familiar smell of strong coffee was in the air.
It took a long time for me to notice through the brightly lit windows that snow had fallen all the night before. I had cheerfully already left messages on a friends answering machine about a lunch potluck today, only to have her return the call to ask if i had looked out the window. Travelling on the roads was not a good idea. Another lunch date was made and we sought out plans to stay home and hibernate. As the months have gone on we have seen only peeks of sun and warm strolls during these days are enjoyed and longed for.
It did not take long to rest in the cabin fever as I tried to cheer up my anxious boys with some home baked bread. For a marvelous taste of Peanut Butter Banana Bread please try this recipe:


Its a great treat after a snowman is built and snow balls thrown ice is stomped on and cold children are looking for hot chocolate. And for their parents who are warmed through and through that today even though we were hibernating was a bright day!

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Thoughts and Allegations

The phone call lasted nearly an hour and I thought; Wow, can we not talk like this when we are face to face, why now? The supper was needing to be made and baby needed a diaper change. Boys were home from school and they needed after school snacks and the odd job that was left till now was still lingering.
I will talk sure I will talk but I will guard my words, so that they are not judged harshly, or that my words are not a vending competition in future conversations.
Conversation words are only words and yet they have so much importance in our very being. We can look at so many different languages and know that in each and every one that the main goal is communication.
I do not know how to communicate as a tool for everyday life I know how to communicate for survival. Body language is another form of communication that can be read and misunderstood so many times in one day.
Hubby is home now the supper is wafting to the doorway and his hands are cold as he reaches for a hug. But I am typing and I am enjoying typing so taking a quick loving second he reaches around my middle for a warm snuggle and then he just carries on with other after work tasks until supper will be served.
The sounds from everyone in our house are coming in waves now almost like colours sometimes silence can be deafening though. When I hear sounds I try to pick out my favorite and concentrate on them, piano , laughter, wind are all sounds I enjoy.
Giggling, yelling, stomping, play fighting, and yes crying & screaming from the sounds of fighting are common amongst little children especially brothers or even babies when they are inconsolable. Sometimes when I long for silence I fear that I like quiet so much because of the noise that was a constant in my home growing up. We would hear yelling, screams of help, bottles smashing, doors slamming, t.v. blaring, and of course children were to not be heard or seen unless they were being beckoned for chores or meals.
Bedtime was deliberate, no hugs, no stories, if we were not quick enough we could not even change into p.j.s. Rarely were there bath times and once or twice a month was common. In the morning when it was time to wake up if we did not respond to our name in an instant we could be forced to do chores outside, until breakfast.
I remember piling wood in the middle of winter in my p.j s and mittens, hating life and looking forward to escaping away for a full day of school.
Wow did I love school, it is fun to see the boys and their different outlooks on school days. One even likes math and spelling a lot. I loved math and spelling, so much I looked forward to math competitions and spelling bees. So fun. Another loves gym, running and competing. Again this was something I looked forward to too. And yet another likes the drawing and creating that he does in some parts of the day, as well as the music. I know that comes from my husbands love of the arts.
Supper is ready.
Baby is needing a bottle or something to eat as well she is cranky from a short nap and fun playtime is not an option.
Everyone is getting ready for the children's bedtime.
I am pondering what to do after hours, go to work or keep writing, maybe relax with something mindless and not thought provoking or now keep writing after a glass of wine has been poured.
Mentally I am still recovering from a loss of a friend and a long trip to a far off town which has left me hoping for rest and solitude as well as rest for the all of the family. We really had a very peaceful drive to and from our destination but the events have left us all feeling like a battery that needs to be recharged. At night when I dream it is blackness and yet it is still dreaming, I seem to be trying to make up my own dreams and yet hoping that someone else does the portrait for me.
I was thinking as I often do playing on the floor with baby when one of my sons came to me broken hearted. He had tried to wash his portrait of him and his daddy with water and unbeknown st to him had not realized that indeed he had washed it clear away. The picture lay in his hands displaying all that was left, which was, smudges of colours that were once there.
We managed to find another picture of him with his daddy and framed it so that when it got dirty he could just wash the glass off. He is always wanting to be clean; clean hands, clean face, clean clothes. Hopefully it is not a paranoia.
I am paranoid of bats flying anywhere 100 miles near our home let alone the thought that they may be in this town. There must be a home near ours because at night if I am taking the garbage out I hear a swish of wings, they have to be wings, and a squeak, Ahhhhh, yes a shriek lets out of my throat as I trip over nothing in the snow and come in mad and cold and wet but safe from the predators.
What could possibly be worst than the paranoia of predators of any kind, we would write a whole report together on the many versions of predators so lets change the subject.
Mm mm chocolate and coffee. Can you love some things too much, probably? Endangered species chocolate and fair trade coffee, wonderful objects of pleasure.
Moments of other pleasures have been when the sun hits the ocean in the morning right after sunrise, and there is a blanket over my shoulders or oars in hand as we glide over the water. Climbing a mountain in the wee hours of the day just to get to the peak before sunrise and see all those colours. Walking in forest paths and smelling moss as it wafts to your nose. Seeking out treasures in old forests where the trees have seen so many years go by. Finding waterfalls that have caves inside of them and paths beside them to explore. Going skinny dipping, searching for seashells in the sand, these are all events that I miss dearly.

Thoughts and allegations this post was called but really it is a stream of consciousness, meant to let you in on my mind and how it can stream in an hour of writing.
Let me know what you think.*