Saturday, September 26, 2009

Realizing I am a people lover

It is true, really.
I love people and how they lift you up. Take you flying with their encouragement.
When at best I just have a few words to share, they are received with so much gratitude.
How on earth can you take stock of friends,
and why would we ever need to, when
surrounded with so much joy?
Tell me how to pray and I will still pray the way I need to, that is how the heart works, you take a step of faith and listen.
I spent some time in the mountains last weekend. A bit lost, and awkward, because there was no way to tell if I was enjoying myself. But I had a little visitor, a baby boy that is my friends dear son. His mom who is a lovely friend needed to shop in the stores for awhile. As we stood on a corner there were plenty of opportunities to say hi at passersby, smile when they adored him, and give a few compliments to complete strangers. I was floored by the way their faces lit up. By close examination you would think that I should be a tourist and walking around seeing the sights. But as lost as I felt it was a great content to just know where I was at. As an added impact there was a familliar face from years past crossing the street smiling widely and we connected for a few brief moments. You never know where your heart is at when it is searching but what I do know is..
 I am a people lover.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Again this heart is hiding...

Dreams are taking me to far off slumber where I am lost in answers.
Answers that may need to stay deep down.
Deep down in my heart where it can write its own story.
A story where everything that is written is understood.
Understood with words that are spoken gracefully and with a determination.
Determination to settle in for the long travels that are ahead, both from the past and in the future.
In the future a book will be written here in my heart hiding there so that it can not be judged.
Judged by those who refuse to see deeper than what they understand.

Again this heart is hiding it has come to a place that is raw and still runs full steam ahead.
Ahead of challenges, ahead of hurting memories, ahead of numbers and time frames that I try to avoid.
Trying to avoid it never works, if there is something and someone that needs to be encountered it will happen.

In the least likely way, as if appearing in my sight from negative to positive.
Positive because that is what all solutions are made of and its the main ingredients that are needed.
Needed in a heartfelt way that even in my feeble attempts to portray those thoughts in words its becoming a downward spiral.

Please see my heart, and know that my words are not possibly able to describe where I am at right now.
Hear my prayers as they are whispered but felt deep in the core of this being.
Join my thoughts and open the door of understanding.
 There will be someone Jesus sends who has an unquenchable delight in quiet solitude that leads to our lives intertwining with poetry.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

What have I learned this year?
Here are some impacts that are in my thoughts.

-A friend of the same cloth that has similar threads and that have been sown close to yours is truly still the most unique friend to have.

-Food will control me when my deepest desire is to hide from the truth.

-Memories take over my dreams and build stories that could have happened and I wake up in sheer terror hoping that its possible for my brain to lie.

-Taking a step of faith is not as easy as cleaning house.

-To live laugh and love is the best medicine for the heart.

-Truthfully expressing my heart in my deepest thoughts is prayer that is worth repeating forever.

-Therapy by myself can include folding laundry and doing dishes even if it is time consuming at least no one else wants to do it with me.

-To believe I can/will lose a relationship is a heartfelt sadness.

-Farmers have markets that attract artists. I like to visit these markets in a center of white topped tents where baskets are filled with their yummy creations that I get to take home.

-Writing without ceasing is going to form stories that need to be told.

-Secrets of the heart that dig deep into the core of a family, have been kept too long and they need to be shared after decades of silence.

-Quirky is as quirky does..

-4 children bring and have so many different love languages they are eager to learn.

-A family that is built on trust prays earnestly loves deeply and walks faithfully, this is what I am told, and hope that happens too.

-This may go for another year, so finally here I have learned that if you put your mind to it, a story of a family who took a fast from convenience has inspired me to reach new depths of my ideas.
To write them down.
It has kept my attention longer than I imagined it would, and in their gifts to their amazing family, I see a book that could be published for someone like myself who can see change begin to happen, but they have experienced the raw truth of a year lived straight back to our growing roots....

What is something that has impacted you this year?