Monday, April 18, 2011

Deep within the archives

Let your dreams rise up like the sun in the morning
with it's fierce heat warming the earth.
A thankful prayer for the land that is lost
in a whirlwind of deep freeze moments.
Ice crystals falling.
Hard & fast
yet with the quick wit that we know it will go away.
To flourish with day.. one day.

Years have passed and still I bear the scars of the lies, untold truths.
What was once lost was my childhood wonder.
Innocence beyond the imaginary friends.
Beyond the belief that some one is there to protect
to believe in me.
Start point.
5 years.
Still questions.

Its been awhile since I revisited
Fears, Frustration and lack of Trust.
What I want to say to those insecurities that creep out of the dark
take me in the middle of the day
then again in the deep slumber of my early hours of sleep
is this

I am 10, 20, 30 years older now.
I have the Gospel
& Jesus has my back.
There is no place for any of these untruths in my life!

Each of my sons need to know that as men they will be needed.
Called on for their strength, their fierce dignity, the respect of another individual.
& then caring for their wives and children.

My daughter needs to believe that her true being was designed to always have an inner beauty.
So treasured that it will be drawn out by those that want to seek the mystery of her.
She will be a woman and then a wife, and will one day hopefully Mother children.
Her years will tell many stories.
Of hope and redemption.

My Husband is someone that I long to know. every. day.
I want to be apart of his great adventure, as his bride.

These nightmares that lie to me, in some ways I hang on to them as memories. That was long ago when I needed someone so close and had no way of reaching out, to accept any of the kind gestures.
I faked happiness
masked sorrow very well.
I believed that there was no one who delighted in my joy
as I leaped into their arms.
no one.
The ache that was left, filled with Grace.
My soul. I am here. weeping. Day after day my aches subside.

Deep within the archives are peace filled Whispers.
"Are you ready to give it all up?
Well then, Hallelujah! Now God can take over."

Dear Lord, I will continue to live my life, praying, but unless you take over I will just continue to stumble. Please be my strength and help me rest peacefully. I know that You are for me, throughout this journey of life. I praise you for continuing to hold a light on my life, so that in turn instead of carrying my own burdens..
You take them away. Amen.


Monday, April 04, 2011

Since last we turned the page

When I was a child, music flowed through my mind as soft and curly as an August wind. If I heard it in the trees, the swaying and swishing would transport me to the hills, where we would feel free to roll in the grass. Then begin to spin with the floating dandelion fluff. If I pressed my ear to the ground I would imagine little fairies that may fly high out from their homes in the blades of grass. Walking through the forests we would have a lightness in our step as we played hide and seek behind brush, leaves and evergreen forts.
There are moments when we recreate that feeling, the emotion behind our child like imagination. I am forever grateful for those treasures that were planted as seeds in time.

*remembering summer dances

*laying in the grass bathed in sun.
*playing in innocence
*August wind
*inside forts
*tree forts
*hours flying by
*purple playdoh
*peanut butter press down cookies
*11 year old ideas
*9 year old dreams
*6 year old ambitions
*3 year old stories
*34 year old goals
*Years together
*seeing the ocean like an old friend
*precious lost time
*gaining speed and running with creativity
*Sunday siestas snuggling soundly