What if..

I had a nightmare once that I woke up with only my supper from the night before.
Sitting at the table staring at day old perogies, with nothing to be thankful for now..
What if I woke up without the children I have watched grow every day, some hours feeling like eternity.
Without the husband, who is a strong devoted, faithful father. Who I argue with sometimes.
Without the house, with the comfy furniture.
& the table that occasionally has a meal that almost everyone would rather not eat.
Without the bed that I have tossed & turned in and sometimes curse at how uncomfortable the pillow is, or loud the snoring is.
Without the mounds of food waiting for me to cook, even when I second guess my abilities.
There are more than a million things, or acts we can be thankful for.
When our neighbors are waking up from earthquakes, tsunamis, landslides, floods: They are praising the Lord for life.
Soldiers are not returning, leaving hearts aching.
Children are being stolen, tearing apart the consciousness & causing insanity that no parent should ever have to fathom.
Homes are being repossessed, leaving families homeless. Domestic violence is continuing, creating memories that torment children for a lifetime.
Stories being told of hidden lives, burning histories & daily grace.
What if we just woke up everyday..

7!

Dear Kai ::
Love you to the universe & back!
7 years has gone by too quickly. Celebrating you in your spunky, & even quiet ways is what made your day a treasure to remember. Happy Birthday!

Red 'Elvis' Cupcakes & Moments

A Cakery road trip.


Delicioso!


Big brother Puppet show
-5 little Monkey's


First day of School.
Who's more excited?!


Last days of Camping, sun & rafting.


Bubbling the afternoon away.


New friends


Favorite tea time


Making our own.








A walk to remember


The best days are now.
& I am thankful for sweet friends who pray, love truly & see us near or far with gifts to give away.


All content smiles, of knowing this life is well loved.

August Journeys

She had been suffering UTI's
& a kidney infection for months. We travelled to the Alberta Childrens Hospital a few times & were waiting for results..
all Summer.

The events of Summer included many road trips, & late nights. We laughed a lot, lived for the days & loved well into the nights.

As the month of August moved on; Azaelea began to show signs
of weakness in her legs, lethargy, dehydration
& the bubbly personality waned as she chose to be quiet, cuddled, rocked & sang to.


Then the fevers began to be consistent. Every night we would hear her cries as she woke to a fever of 104-107.
Always subsiding by morning, without any drugs.
One morning after many over the phone consults, we opted to not
give her the maintenance low dose antibiotics.
& the fever lasted 12 hours..
As worried parents we decided to band together along with teamwork from the nursing staff, we admitted her for 2 days in our local General Hospital.
They took urine, cultures, blood, (all twice) & she stayed on a IV the entire time.
After 54 hours on her IV, we waited for the approval to discharge her.
Choosing the better route (for us) to wait for further signs at
Home.
Our interim Dr. Agreed that if there were any worse
Symptoms to follow up at the ACH.


Today after 3 whole
Days of September.
No accidents or
Fevers.


She is back to her dancing, giddy, doll carrying, friend loving, singing self.
Azaelea is going through the motions everyday & growing stronger. We're moved by our community of praying family.
Though we have absolutely no clues as of yet, your support speaks volumes to us.

Thank you All, with Love!

Only you know

Before you read this: I can tell you this is for you.. but only you know this for sure.

Behind her eyes she found a safe place.
Longing deep
striving quick.
Promising to keep the many vows of a little girls heart
forever.
Gasp now.
The dive down deep has hurt your heart.

This time

..too many times..
you have not reached the floor bed of the water.
Engulfing your true being.
Catching a glimpse of the young you.

There waiting.

For the letter you wrote her.
The vows you kept long ago.
She is waiting for confirmation.
In the long last draws of breath.
Within the water.
Where we breath fresh, in the air.
There you catch a glimpse of the look
in her eyes.

Only you knew.

Who Knew
how long?

When the ice would start to melt.
The years where you skated over the dreams,
that lay frozen in an ice capped memory.
In the sky there were no limits.
The happy endings always came true.

Along the starry nights
when the lines were drawn
& the cracks began to show.
A decade
or 2
have seeped through.
A year here
a reoccurring dream there.

How does it write deep on your soul?

She knew.
You knew.
Who knew?
Only you.

Little truths,
simple & catching,
drew on the strength of bigger truths.
Building a strong foundation.
These bigger truths that consumed took apart into shattered remnants.
What was left
is all the simplicity of knowing the next steps, will be built.
In writing.

A Wednesday treasure.

A new ring to celebrate:
the many years remembered, behind us now.
& the many more ahead
.... to be continued.

Wandering moments on Wednesday

Break the rain

Waiting for the rain to break
& the sun to shine.
When it's best to grasp the positive joys of the days.
If we can still laugh
when the hours are long
& the sanity is thrown out the window, then it's less of a funk
& more of a double rainbow.




What is dead may be dormant, and what is barren may be about to bear, and wild things can somehow find a way to bloom. ~Ann Voskamp

Summer craft wishes

When I looked through our craft closet this week it was very evident that we have had more focus on yarns and paper this year. So many trinkets and soon to be crafts are waiting to be made. So with the help of pinterest, I will share some ideas!



Painting. & this one was found hiding away with lost treasures.



Earrings made from upcycled leather. The middles could be a soft crochet line or beaded.




Crochet rings. The backs could be soft leather.




Too fun & cute. I can just imagine the kids ideas with these.




Just the leather scraps with a few beads mixed in.




Necklace made with little rocks, a charm & soft feathers.




I had my first spontaneous lake swim of the Summer today! Exhilarating.

Fathers Day Card

"You're going to be a dad"
The words they felt as liquid gold, for the very first time pouring out of me, speaking softly into the phone.
Stop thinking, it will happen all too fast.
The months of waiting.
Loss & gain.
Tears
then regaining hope.
Fresh memories awash the here & now.
First cries fill the room of delivery
& we know.
Together.
This is the beginning of forever.
Years they pass just through a sieve, as I watch each child grow from being in your arms,
nursed by me,
into full board steam ahead.
Ready to take the world by storm.
Times 4.
A baby, toddler, preschooler, elementary..to be continued.
Remembering when the oldest could rest in the crook of your arm.
Asleep in the bliss of your strength, your comfort.
Each one meets the world and watches you.
You who is quiet and assured. Who questions beyond the questions.
Thankfulness comes in waves, yet storms bring in Aftermath too.



For the dreams that shape as the years go by.
The moments when you know this is: "hey! I can do it."
One day at a time.
The children run to you with cards.
With words.
All sharing that which is,
Music to my ears.
Daddy.
You.

Who I Am

A Child and then a Mother.

Who can watch my children every moment of everyday and hope for more.

A Woman and then a Wife.

Who can say to my husband that he is steadfast, and believe wholeheartedly that he is.

A student and then a teacher.

Hopefully to myself first, and then to my children.

A listener and then a friend.

Keeping words that feel so sacred, and yet so very healing.

A moment and then a lifetime.

Waiting.

Prayers are hoped for.

Words are spoken.

Dreams are lingering, and words are written.

Behind the walls you find me hoping.

There are ones who believe they will see through it one day.

Who will find the cracks in the foundation.

Praying that each day, will bring a new discovery.

That I will know that there is no end to free love.

While the waves wash over the ridges smoothing visible scars
Time flows

My sons hug and my daughter smiles.

My Husband comes along side and watches the world with a different view.

In all this life there is a sigh of relief that all that is now is
grace.

Inner Child

Precious gems are everywhere in the cosmos
and inside of every one of us.

I want to offer a handful to you, my dear friend.
Yes, this morning, I want to offer a handful to you,
A handful of diamonds that glow from morning to evening.
Each minute of our daily life is a diamond that contains sky
and earth,
sunshine and river.

We only need to breathe gently for the miracle to be revealed:
Birds singing, flowers blooming.

Here is the blue sky, here is the white cloud floating,
Your lovely look, your beautiful smile.
All these are contained in one jewel.

You who are the richest person on Earth
And behave like a destitute child,
Please come back to your heritage.

Let us offer each other happiness and learn to
Dwell in the present moment.
Let us cherish life in our two arms
And let go of our forgetfulness and despair.

-Thich Nhat Hanh

Silence

Deep within the archives

Let your dreams rise up like the sun in the morning
with it's fierce heat warming the earth.
A thankful prayer for the land that is lost
in a whirlwind of deep freeze moments.
Ice crystals falling.
Hard & fast
yet with the quick wit that we know it will go away.
To flourish with green..one day.. one day.

Years have passed and still I bear the scars of the lies, untold truths.
What was once lost was my childhood wonder.
Innocence beyond the imaginary friends.
Beyond the belief that some one is there to protect
to believe in me.
Start point.
Counseling.
5 years.
Still questions.

Its been awhile since I revisited
Fears, Frustration and lack of Trust.
What I want to say to those insecurities that creep out of the dark
take me in the middle of the day
then again in the deep slumber of my early hours of sleep
is this

I am 10, 20, 30 years older now.
I have the Gospel
& Jesus has my back.
There is no place for any of these untruths in my life!

Each of my sons need to know that as men they will be needed.
Called on for their strength, their fierce dignity, the respect of another individual.
& then caring for their wives and children.

My daughter needs to believe that her true being was designed to always have an inner beauty.
So treasured that it will be drawn out by those that want to seek the mystery of her.
She will be a woman and then a wife, and will one day hopefully Mother children.
Her years will tell many stories.
Of hope and redemption.

My Husband is someone that I long to know. every. day.
I want to be apart of his great adventure, as his bride.

These nightmares that lie to me, in some ways I hang on to them as memories. That was long ago when I needed someone so close and had no way of reaching out, to accept any of the kind gestures.
I faked happiness
masked sorrow very well.
I believed that there was no one who delighted in my joy
as I leaped into their arms.
no one.
The ache that was left, filled with Grace.
My soul. I am here. weeping. Day after day my aches subside.

Deep within the archives are peace filled Whispers.
"Are you ready to give it all up?
Well then, Hallelujah! Now God can take over."

Dear Lord, I will continue to live my life, praying, but unless you take over I will just continue to stumble. Please be my strength and help me rest peacefully. I know that You are for me, throughout this journey of life. I praise you for continuing to hold a light on my life, so that in turn instead of carrying my own burdens..
You take them away. Amen.


#417

Since last we turned the page

When I was a child, music flowed through my mind as soft and curly as an August wind. If I heard it in the trees, the swaying and swishing would transport me to the hills, where we would feel free to roll in the grass. Then begin to spin with the floating dandelion fluff. If I pressed my ear to the ground I would imagine little fairies that may fly high out from their homes in the blades of grass. Walking through the forests we would have a lightness in our step as we played hide and seek behind brush, leaves and evergreen forts.
There are moments when we recreate that feeling, the emotion behind our child like imagination. I am forever grateful for those treasures that were planted as seeds in time.

*remembering summer dances



*laying in the grass bathed in sun.
*playing in innocence
*twirling
*August wind
*inside forts
*tree forts
*clubhouses
*trampolines
*imagination
*hours flying by
*purple playdoh
*peanut butter press down cookies
*11 year old ideas
*9 year old dreams
*6 year old ambitions
*3 year old stories
*34 year old goals
*Years together
*seeing the ocean like an old friend
*precious lost time
*gaining speed and running with creativity
*Sunday siestas snuggling soundly