Tuesday, November 03, 2015


One, free, seventy..
I open my eyes.
The puppies are no where in sight.
Loud crashes are coming from the cabin and I start running in circles. 
The faster I run, the quieter it feels.
I stop. And wait.

Boots (whisper) Buffy. Come play with me. 

Our yard is wide and green. 
We're nestled in the middle of a forest that reaches just so far, then opens up to a lake.
With water as far as I can see. 

No neighbors. 
No visitors. 
No friends. 

All I know is my Mommy. 
And a man: whom I call daddy.
But he never wants me to play around him. 

He drinks from a big bottle. 
And when it's empty, it smashes on the ground. 
I try my best not to hurt myself. 
But I fall all the time. 

Mommy tells me I am not allowed to play with my cousins because they don't open presents. 
That we talk different them every day of the week.
But thats ok.
I'm only allowed to open presents when Grandma and Grandpa give them to me, anyways. 


Here I am. 

Did you hear me calling you?! 

Why is he so mad?

He grabs me by the jean jacket and carries me all the way to their big bed. 
You come running when I call, you hear me! 

All I remember is: Spank spank spank - until I fall asleep. 
When I wake up Mommy has made some soup.
But it's cold now, because it's been waiting so long for me. 
She's all different colors. 
A pretty rainbow. 
I can't stand, so she carries me. 
I smell her in the place of her neck that I love so much.
The familliar smells of smoke and a strong smell that burns my nose. 
But it doesn't matter. 
haven't had a hug since the last time I remember that 'he' was gone. 

Alicia do you remember your Uncle Bob?
I nod in a haze.
He's going to live with us now. 

Just because. 
No more questions. 

But I want to ask. And I want to eat. 
My tummy is sore and mommy won't look at my eyes. 
I go to sleep and there is so much noise. 
I wake up but I am not allowed out of my room. 

The dolls are my friends. 

It's time to go potty but I have no where to pee. 
There is a pot in the corner that I try to sit on but it tips over and I pee on my leg. 
Trying not to get in trouble I sit so still just to wait...
and hope for food. 

There is nobody coming for me. 

I hear, my name. 
Where is Alicia? 
She's in her bedroom. 
It's 2 o'clock in the afternoon. 

Crash bang, scream. 

The door opens with a bang and my Uncle checks to see if I need food. 
I don't know what to do so I just sit there trying not to make a sound. 

Just a second goes by and I sniff. Huh? Was I sleeping?

Someone is hovering over me and spit is falling on my face. 
We're going for a drive. 
I try to stand but my legs hurt from sitting and they sting. 
They take turns carrying me outside to the car. Just my Mommy & 'him' in the front. 
They stop at a red light and Mommy opens my door, 
her door, and the trunk all at the same time. 

She grabs me with one hand and the two suitcases in the other. 
And she runs. 
Down the hill into a ravine. 
I see uncle waiting for us. He takes the suitcases and runs another way. 
She takes me and we hide under a car. 

We run 
and stop 
and hide behind buildings. 
There is a car revving up and down the streets.  

I remember french fries.
I remember a big bus.
I remember falling into someone's arms as I tripped down the stairs. 
All In a daze.
Into my Uncle Frank's arms.
His blue punch buggy was waiting to drive us to our new home.
My Uncles had saved me.
They saved us.

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