Heartache

Sunday evening we got tragic news that our little sister Ashleigh had died in a 2 car collision.
We will be celebrating her life this Saturday, December 27 at 1pm in Quesnel, with many loving members of her family and friends.
In the midst of the traditional Christmas festivities let us all remember that there are so many on the roads travelling to see loved ones or home and as they go reach out prayers of safety and hope.
May you and yours be surrounded by the love that Jesus pours into our lives so richly.
See you in the New Year!

In Remembrance.
Ashleigh Jordynne Smith

Quesnel Cariboo Observer Quesnel, BC

It was always all about Ashleigh Jordynne Smith.
Born a Princess July 25, 1991 and became an Angel December 21, 2008.
Ashleigh will be lovingly remembered by her parents Greg and Maria Dawson;
sisters, Kassie, Shelby and Mya; father, Jason Smith, Tam and Colt,
grandparents: Harold and Anne Bullock; Mike and Shirley Smith;
Jack and Martha Dawson; her Godparents and numerous aunts, uncles,
cousins and hundreds more family members and cherished friends.
Ashleigh was predeceased by her grandparents, Ken and Gladys Monk.
Ashleigh lived a very dynamic life in her 17 years, touching all she met
with her friendly smile, spunky attitude and her compulsion to push
the boundaries, way outside the box.
She was fortunate enough to travel to Italy, see the Queen, and meet
many musical celebrities.
She lived her life to the fullest with lots of enthusiasm and passion.
She truly believed that:
“Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets...
Nobody said it would be easy.
They just promised it would be worth it.”
Ashleigh was interred in the Tranquility Gardens on December 27.
We celebrated her life at the Northstar Baptist Church
with Minister Norm Botterill officiating.
We shared stories, laughs, songs, balloons and fireworks followed
by a reception fit for a princess. It truly was done in Ashleigh style.
Ashleigh’s family would like to thank you for your love and support at this time.
Donations in Ashleigh’s memory may be made to: Ashleigh Smith Trust Fund at the CIBC,
The Yellow Ribbon Society-Integris Credit Union, the SPCA-Quesnel Branch or the Samaritan’s Purse-Operation Christmas Child.

Her Celebration was amazing. Thank you for prayers.

We have had 4 birthdays
in the last 6 weeks!

Happy Birthday to Kai!
4 years old.

Happy Birthday to Daryl!!

!

Happy Birthday

Azaelea!

Today Asher is 9!

Happy Birthday!!

7 things that are Quirky about moi

1. I make words up, like smurples for spaghetti.
2. I cry on the beginning of every Extreme Home Makeover Show.
3. I laugh everytime I hear the words fat ass together.
4. When I am in a store and there are 4 objects on a shelf, and one is needed,
I "stock up" with 2 so there is an even number left.
5. The chorus of the song "I will remember You" from the artist
Sarah Mclaughlin is still running through my head after 4 years.
6. My baby toe always needs to pop so that it can grow stronger,
while my jaw always needs to pop so that it can grow weaker.
7. When my hair is found all over the place my kids
will pick it up and put it back on my head.

In the Quiet of the night

Apparently when you can get up easily at the sound of a creak in the floor, your mind has begun to take a paranoid approach to life.
In the middle of the night when I thought everyone was sleeping something was nudging me awake.
It wasn't the sound of a baby whimper, or putter patter of little boys tiptoeing to the potty.
It wasn't our friend who lives with us trying to be ever so quiet leaving for work or school.
I lay in bed trying to decide if it was important enough to get up when I started to tremble.
I felt no fear nothing at all actually.
A bit numb from being awake at an odd hour for no real reason.
Then the trembling started at my head and worked itself ever so slowly down to my toes.
After what seemed to be hours laying there waiting, I decided to sit up.
That is when I discovered how cold it really was that night.
So cold you could see your breath.
Or at least imagine it because my imagination had gone so wild by then.
Shivering and chattering and tip toeing to the only heat register in the house,
I stubbed my toe, tripped on the cat and bumped into the new dining set
that towers in front of the register.
So being so chaotic in my attempts to stay quiet, I silently shrieked,
jumped and ran back to our room that we share with the baby.
Jumping into bed to violently warm up.
In the "quiet of the night" a baby in our room needed to be comforted too.

Watching
"
Unblinking
"
Your tears
"
My blame
"
Listening
"
Your words
'
My belief
"
Feeling so lost
"
So incomplete
"
One look
'
One word-forgiven
'
One day found

47

One of my favorite numbers that I see all the time is 47.

...3

Cannot stand the number 3.

I want to live to be 47 but I never want to remember being 3.

Watching my sons as they have been this age is amazing. They have become who they are and developed a unique personality during the time that they were this age and I hope that as they grow older they will remember how wonderful it was to be 3.

Our youngest son will be 4 next month and the best words that I heard in my life were all in the same day;

"I will always love you even if I am not 3 anymore mommy." Kai

"Can I give you 3 hugs tonight mom?" Ethan

"I have always loved you mom, I love you I love you I love you" Asher

"DaDaDa" Azaelea

If Only
I could speak clearly the word pictures that are thought in my head everyday.
The most peaceful times are when those around me are enjoying conversation
and I can just be a listener.
I saw something so tangible in a store this week. It made dreams come alive in my head.
Of gardens, and tea parties, of Delicious feasts of all that we enjoy.
SO I brought it home and welcomed it home. But there was no real place for it.
Then I saw gardens and herbs, lavender fields and organic food with wine being served. My answer was to create a space, plant a space in my home for it. Plant a new atmosphere that my imagination has added a whole new outlook to.
First there needed to be some clearing away of all the clutter that had accumulated.
Its all gone....now for a fresh start.
Is it impossible to live without fully living right here in the place that we call home.
Because to know that it is possible to find people in our lives that want to live fully, and celebrating with me, makes my heart soar.
I can ask out loud or just keep heading in the right direction believing that it will be created.
My children need to be surrounded by their family but they also need to learn how important rich relationships are and how they grow with us like a vine.
I want to create these word pictures for them so they can sit with me and create their own.
Children and Art as an equation is gorgeous.
So sit with me as I try to paint a hopeful picture of what is to come.
Children's paintings on richly coloured walls. With wood and stone and a herb garden creating atmosphere. minimal furniture and intimate gatherings of friends as we enjoy the company and delicious sharing of what we bring to the table.

Promise

June 14 is our Anniversary so this promise is written years ago.
A promise that I have tried so hard to own. To believe. To promise to myself.
My son was baptized today, I listened as he believed what he was going to do was a step of faith.
I watched as he owned his step of faith. My heart soared.
And then when I read this writing now, that was written so long ago
there is a step of faith that I was taking then that I never knew and yet I believed....

Strings of Thread
Attached to every limb
Just another face in the crowd
Many faces to hide the pain
The tears wash away all traces of joy
Lost feelings welling up inside
Turn to what was once yours
One look
Reflections of yesteryear's
Masked are those memories
Hidden now with effort & with dust
But to open the chest & free the sorrow
What wonder would lie ahead
Among the wild flowers
Love chased down
Captured in a moments glance
Grasp hold my love I want to be with you
Through whatever it takes
Your eyes sparkle with all the life
As the music awaits my craving ears
One kiss encircled I know forever
One Love
my Husband
You.

11 Years plus and counting......

Chances are....

I will second guess this
I will make a mistake
I will be emotional
I will not finish

Believe me....

I want to share
I am inspired
I have lots of chances
I can finish

How come....

I second guess
I make mistakes
I am emotional
I choose to not finish

Because....

There is this time now where inspiration is only
fleeting and driven by emotions.
Where mistakes are the building blocks
for everyday and I am
forgiven.
And I do not want to
finish but keep going with what
I am given everyday so that
in what I choose today will be
remembered tomorrow.

Time vs. Times

What makes me think I cannot be patient tears me apart deep down inside.
It is not that time is a friend,
but that I can learn too much all at once and then
all there is left is the time to let it all sink in.
When I was a little girl I would wish for time to go by faster,
I was afraid that if I stayed in this time, right now,
I would stay there forever.
I miss the adventures that came so naturally.
Walking down paths that led to no where.
Climbing muddy hills and finding hidden treasures buried where others played so long ago.
When I was a little older, probably 10 I wanted to run faster
have the time go slower so that all the races that I ran in would be victorious.
As the teens came and I experienced first crushes,
and aching hurts there were times I wanted to just stop time and hide away.
The teens wore on and the angst got worse and there was a time I never wanted to see time again. Oh what joy it would have been if I could just close my eyes and....
At 15 I decided to leave home, tried to come home a year later and then never returned.
So my joy now is celebrating time with my family that surround our home everyday. What did we do today? What made us happy, how about sad?
My son asked me today who is going to take care of him and his brothers and sister if mommy and daddy die. I had no answer, I had no time. He tried to suggest good couples that love our family and I just froze. Had I ever thought of that when I was a child?
Had I stopped to notice how many people cared and prayed for me so regularly.
My child has stopped and has thought of it and is grateful.
So now as time has sped up faster than I would have ever imagined, I just want to stop and hope time gives me a chance to grasp all that is happening around me.
And say I love this time Lord,
thank you*