Watching
"
Unblinking
"
Your tears
"
My blame
"
Listening
"
Your words
'
My belief
"
Feeling so lost
"
So incomplete
"
One look
'
One word-forgiven
'
One day found
Friday, July 11, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
47
One of my favorite numbers that I see all the time is 47.
...3
Cannot stand the number 3.
I want to live to be 47 but I never want to remember being 3.
Watching my sons as they have been this age is amazing. They have become who they are and developed a unique personality during the time that they were this age and I hope that as they grow older they will remember how wonderful it was to be 3.
Our youngest son will be 4 next month and the best words that I heard in my life were all in the same day;
"I will always love you even if I am not 3 anymore mommy." Kai
"Can I give you 3 hugs tonight mom?" Ethan
"I have always loved you mom, I love you I love you I love you" Asher
"DaDaDa" Azaelea
Thursday, June 12, 2008
If Only
I could speak clearly the word pictures that are thought in my head everyday.
The most peaceful times are when those around me are enjoying conversation
and I can just be a listener.
I saw something so tangible in a store this week. It made dreams come alive in my head.
Of gardens, and tea parties, of Delicious feasts of all that we enjoy.
SO I brought it home and welcomed it home. But there was no real place for it.
Then I saw gardens and herbs, lavender fields and organic food with wine being served. My answer was to create a space, plant a space in my home for it. Plant a new atmosphere that my imagination has added a whole new outlook to.
First there needed to be some clearing away of all the clutter that had accumulated.
Its all gone....now for a fresh start.
Is it impossible to live without fully living right here in the place that we call home.
Because to know that it is possible to find people in our lives that want to live fully, and celebrating with me, makes my heart soar.
I can ask out loud or just keep heading in the right direction believing that it will be created.
My children need to be surrounded by their family but they also need to learn how important rich relationships are and how they grow with us like a vine.
I want to create these word pictures for them so they can sit with me and create their own.
Children and Art as an equation is gorgeous.
So sit with me as I try to paint a hopeful picture of what is to come.
Children's paintings on richly coloured walls. With wood and stone and a herb garden creating atmosphere. minimal furniture and intimate gatherings of friends as we enjoy the company and delicious sharing of what we bring to the table.
I could speak clearly the word pictures that are thought in my head everyday.
The most peaceful times are when those around me are enjoying conversation
and I can just be a listener.
I saw something so tangible in a store this week. It made dreams come alive in my head.
Of gardens, and tea parties, of Delicious feasts of all that we enjoy.
SO I brought it home and welcomed it home. But there was no real place for it.
Then I saw gardens and herbs, lavender fields and organic food with wine being served. My answer was to create a space, plant a space in my home for it. Plant a new atmosphere that my imagination has added a whole new outlook to.
First there needed to be some clearing away of all the clutter that had accumulated.
Its all gone....now for a fresh start.
Is it impossible to live without fully living right here in the place that we call home.
Because to know that it is possible to find people in our lives that want to live fully, and celebrating with me, makes my heart soar.
I can ask out loud or just keep heading in the right direction believing that it will be created.
My children need to be surrounded by their family but they also need to learn how important rich relationships are and how they grow with us like a vine.
I want to create these word pictures for them so they can sit with me and create their own.
Children and Art as an equation is gorgeous.
So sit with me as I try to paint a hopeful picture of what is to come.
Children's paintings on richly coloured walls. With wood and stone and a herb garden creating atmosphere. minimal furniture and intimate gatherings of friends as we enjoy the company and delicious sharing of what we bring to the table.
Sunday, June 08, 2008
Promise
June 14 is our Anniversary so this promise is written years ago.
A promise that I have tried so hard to own. To believe. To promise to myself.
My son was baptized today, I listened as he believed what he was going to do was a step of faith.
I watched as he owned his step of faith. My heart soared.
And then when I read this writing now, that was written so long ago
there is a step of faith that I was taking then that I never knew and yet I believed....
Strings of Thread
Attached to every limb
Just another face in the crowd
Many faces to hide the pain
The tears wash away all traces of joy
Lost feelings welling up inside
Turn to what was once yours
One look
Reflections of yesteryear's
Masked are those memories
Hidden now with effort & with dust
But to open the chest & free the sorrow
What wonder would lie ahead
Among the wild flowers
Love chased down
Captured in a moments glance
Grasp hold my love I want to be with you
Through whatever it takes
Your eyes sparkle with all the life
As the music awaits my craving ears
One kiss encircled I know forever
One Love
my Husband
You.
11 Years plus and counting......
June 14 is our Anniversary so this promise is written years ago.
A promise that I have tried so hard to own. To believe. To promise to myself.
My son was baptized today, I listened as he believed what he was going to do was a step of faith.
I watched as he owned his step of faith. My heart soared.
And then when I read this writing now, that was written so long ago
there is a step of faith that I was taking then that I never knew and yet I believed....
Strings of Thread
Attached to every limb
Just another face in the crowd
Many faces to hide the pain
The tears wash away all traces of joy
Lost feelings welling up inside
Turn to what was once yours
One look
Reflections of yesteryear's
Masked are those memories
Hidden now with effort & with dust
But to open the chest & free the sorrow
What wonder would lie ahead
Among the wild flowers
Love chased down
Captured in a moments glance
Grasp hold my love I want to be with you
Through whatever it takes
Your eyes sparkle with all the life
As the music awaits my craving ears
One kiss encircled I know forever
One Love
my Husband
You.
11 Years plus and counting......
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Chances are....
I will second guess this
I will make a mistake
I will be emotional
I will not finish
Believe me....
I want to share
I am inspired
I have lots of chances
I can finish
How come....
I second guess
I make mistakes
I am emotional
I choose to not finish
Because....
There is this time now where inspiration is only
fleeting and driven by emotions.
Where mistakes are the building blocks
for everyday and I am
forgiven.
And I do not want to
finish but keep going with what
I am given everyday so that
in what I choose today will be
remembered tomorrow.
I will second guess this
I will make a mistake
I will be emotional
I will not finish
Believe me....
I want to share
I am inspired
I have lots of chances
I can finish
How come....
I second guess
I make mistakes
I am emotional
I choose to not finish
Because....
There is this time now where inspiration is only
fleeting and driven by emotions.
Where mistakes are the building blocks
for everyday and I am
forgiven.
And I do not want to
finish but keep going with what
I am given everyday so that
in what I choose today will be
remembered tomorrow.
Friday, March 07, 2008
Time vs. Times
What makes me think I cannot be patient tears me apart deep down inside.
It is not that time is a friend,
but that I can learn too much all at once and then
all there is left is the time to let it all sink in.
When I was a little girl I would wish for time to go by faster,
I was afraid that if I stayed in this time, right now,
I would stay there forever.
I miss the adventures that came so naturally.
Walking down paths that led to no where.
Climbing muddy hills and finding hidden treasures buried where others played so long ago.
When I was a little older, probably 10 I wanted to run faster
have the time go slower so that all the races that I ran in would be victorious.
As the teens came and I experienced first crushes,
and aching hurts there were times I wanted to just stop time and hide away.
The teens wore on and the angst got worse and there was a time I never wanted to see time again. Oh what joy it would have been if I could just close my eyes and....
At 15 I decided to leave home, tried to come home a year later and then never returned.
So my joy now is celebrating time with my family that surround our home everyday. What did we do today? What made us happy, how about sad?
My son asked me today who is going to take care of him and his brothers and sister if mommy and daddy die. I had no answer, I had no time. He tried to suggest good couples that love our family and I just froze. Had I ever thought of that when I was a child?
Had I stopped to notice how many people cared and prayed for me so regularly.
My child has stopped and has thought of it and is grateful.
So now as time has sped up faster than I would have ever imagined, I just want to stop and hope time gives me a chance to grasp all that is happening around me.
And say I love this time Lord,
thank you*
What makes me think I cannot be patient tears me apart deep down inside.
It is not that time is a friend,
but that I can learn too much all at once and then
all there is left is the time to let it all sink in.
When I was a little girl I would wish for time to go by faster,
I was afraid that if I stayed in this time, right now,
I would stay there forever.
I miss the adventures that came so naturally.
Walking down paths that led to no where.
Climbing muddy hills and finding hidden treasures buried where others played so long ago.
When I was a little older, probably 10 I wanted to run faster
have the time go slower so that all the races that I ran in would be victorious.
As the teens came and I experienced first crushes,
and aching hurts there were times I wanted to just stop time and hide away.
The teens wore on and the angst got worse and there was a time I never wanted to see time again. Oh what joy it would have been if I could just close my eyes and....
At 15 I decided to leave home, tried to come home a year later and then never returned.
So my joy now is celebrating time with my family that surround our home everyday. What did we do today? What made us happy, how about sad?
My son asked me today who is going to take care of him and his brothers and sister if mommy and daddy die. I had no answer, I had no time. He tried to suggest good couples that love our family and I just froze. Had I ever thought of that when I was a child?
Had I stopped to notice how many people cared and prayed for me so regularly.
My child has stopped and has thought of it and is grateful.
So now as time has sped up faster than I would have ever imagined, I just want to stop and hope time gives me a chance to grasp all that is happening around me.
And say I love this time Lord,
thank you*
Thursday, April 19, 2007
I Remember Praying....
There was a time when I was newly married for probably a year and a half, and I did not know how to trust.
So after sharing one night we prayed that all walls would be broken down and we would learn to trust God.
The next week our dog broke his leg. Sad, but a simple catastrophe. We panicked. What was next?
After Christmas we decided to travel to visit relatives. High in the rocky mountains a severe snowstorm hit. Where we were located there was no way to turn around for about 100km. Trying to plow ahead, there was no visibility, and barely a road visible either. A car ahead of us had pulled over to what they must have thought was the side of the road. We saw the car at the last minute and tried to swerve around it, black ice was everywhere. Instead we turned a 180 degree angle slid to the other side of the road and hit a tree, which redirected the truck over a 160 foot cliff. As we were about to drop I can remember hearing "trust me everything will be OK. The truck landed on a train track then rolled enough off, that a train was able to fly by within about 10 minutes, without hitting us. The truck was severely damaged but the windows had popped out on impact. After the initial shock that we were still alive we crawled out to see people stumbling down the drop off to our rescue. Emergency vehicles were coming from all directions including a CNN train car that escorted us all the way to the hospital. I had a small injury on my head, that needed stitches, but they could not find our babies heartbeat that we were expecting. The hospital and RCMP staff were all very pleasant and helpful and even found us a hotel to stay the night in. The next day as we were walking to the Greyhound, Daryl's aunt, uncle and cousins drove up next to us on their way home. We were so amazed to see familiar faces!! We made the most unusual connections with family and new friends in the short time before boarding the bus.
It was not till a month later that we were informed our pregnancy had actually ended. But much to our surprise and delight a new baby had already started developing and he would be born 10 months later.
In all this trauma we felt an overwhelming peace reside in our souls. That is why we are content to wait and know that we cannot do anything with out patience and trust in God.
There was a time when I was newly married for probably a year and a half, and I did not know how to trust.
So after sharing one night we prayed that all walls would be broken down and we would learn to trust God.
The next week our dog broke his leg. Sad, but a simple catastrophe. We panicked. What was next?
After Christmas we decided to travel to visit relatives. High in the rocky mountains a severe snowstorm hit. Where we were located there was no way to turn around for about 100km. Trying to plow ahead, there was no visibility, and barely a road visible either. A car ahead of us had pulled over to what they must have thought was the side of the road. We saw the car at the last minute and tried to swerve around it, black ice was everywhere. Instead we turned a 180 degree angle slid to the other side of the road and hit a tree, which redirected the truck over a 160 foot cliff. As we were about to drop I can remember hearing "trust me everything will be OK. The truck landed on a train track then rolled enough off, that a train was able to fly by within about 10 minutes, without hitting us. The truck was severely damaged but the windows had popped out on impact. After the initial shock that we were still alive we crawled out to see people stumbling down the drop off to our rescue. Emergency vehicles were coming from all directions including a CNN train car that escorted us all the way to the hospital. I had a small injury on my head, that needed stitches, but they could not find our babies heartbeat that we were expecting. The hospital and RCMP staff were all very pleasant and helpful and even found us a hotel to stay the night in. The next day as we were walking to the Greyhound, Daryl's aunt, uncle and cousins drove up next to us on their way home. We were so amazed to see familiar faces!! We made the most unusual connections with family and new friends in the short time before boarding the bus.
It was not till a month later that we were informed our pregnancy had actually ended. But much to our surprise and delight a new baby had already started developing and he would be born 10 months later.
In all this trauma we felt an overwhelming peace reside in our souls. That is why we are content to wait and know that we cannot do anything with out patience and trust in God.
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