Movember

It’s that time again. The moustache month! Where the 4 o’clock shadow is all day every day for the month of November. To raise awareness for Men's cancers and put your best foot forward.

The question is: Who’s joining in with Daryl?

http://blog-of-beards.blogspot.com/2010/07/impressive-i-think-so.html

Sunday October 31, 1999

Still waiting for our very first son’s birth.

Rainbow Memories

28 years ago I met forever friends. Mary & Angela.

We soon became known as the little red triplets.

The years have gone by, as we have seen our lives intertwine, we have had many stories over the years of just finding each other. At random events and unexpectedly in large cities such as Vancouver or Calgary.

Last year Dear Ange. (far left) started gaining more popularity with her store on Etsy and was featured frequently with another lovely friend

Look at this gorgeous treasury recently published for the fall season.

Mary and I have many more memories and she is my favourite Hippy. Today I am forever thankful for the sisters they have always been in my life.

“At last the 3rd triplet has been found... dancing among the trees, dipping her toes in rivers and streams, singing to the heavens.... she was never lost, she was here all along, sharing herself with the world so we could feel her love everywhere we go. **HUGS and much love to you and your family.**
Thank you.”

*Keyholes*

 

I enjoy taking my children to see where I grew up. Exploring the surrounding waters, walking trails, and mountains. We have spent many hours visiting family, the beach, fruit stands, orchards, and exploring the hills. Sometimes though my heart aches for what they will not have there as children..More time. Because every time we leave it is just an experience, not home. I miss my home town today. The place where I was born and raised. Here where we live is our home now as a family. Instead if our travels capture their memories now, they will have many reasons to keep going back.

Christmas Island captured by this friend

Salmon Arm Wharf

Seasons of Rest

In the circle of Life we watch the seasons. 

Now I lay me down to rest, my weary back, my heavy chest. This I lay me quietly down to sleep, where I know you watch over me.

The trees are resting standing bare, the leaves that clung through out the year, have floated down to lay with me. Amongst the brown trees and grass, resting well under a blanket of white.

You see me for me, renewing my heart, life and mind.

You reach into my past, present, and future with a mighty wind that settles all that lie near.

The tree of life that grew so fast, reached its roots down too far, it shall not uproot, or be pruned, but will wither now as a new vine begins to grow nearby.

You love me for me. That’s how new life pushes out the dead leaves in our lives. 

His life, because of its glorious power and beauty, brushes away sorrow, death, and fury.

I dream during my rest of this life with Jesus.  If there is dead parts that need to float away, so be it.

The renewal, the fresh green that I awake to in the beginning of the new season will water my soul.

Sprinkle newness, grow faith.

“You are mine, you are valued, you are precious to me.”

I want to run in the freedom of His love.

I awake to the trees swaying in the wind, the wind brings a new season, a season of hope.

Believe my heart, I am longing, to know the forgiveness is true.

At the beginning of Psalm 23:1
I hear my heart longing still.

"The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need."

I begin to feel his love as;
(2) "he lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams."

As I rest and my mind may follow with clarity.
(3) he renews my strength, he guides me along right paths, bringing honour to His name."

Then as all the seasons are in full circle and I have been carried on this journey, the one who created me is right there.
(4) Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for YOU are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. (NLV)

I am free in His Love, I am dear to His heart.

Cherished by the Everlasting.

Second Album Released Today!!

I love when he gives himself a great  lifetime Birthday gift!
4 years ago today the first album,

Still Hallelujah was released.

To hear the new album,

Let Someone Love You
Visit http://www.hereboymusic.com

 15 years ago today I met the man who would be my Husband.
It was his Birthday the next day, Oct. 21 and he wanted to invite us all to a fireside party in Three Hills.
I was getting rather familliar with this small town already, our dear friend Ranae lived there and we would visit her amongst other new friends at the Prairie High School.
It was still all new and when I saw him, for an instant, all I could see was his blue eyes lighting up the room.
 I was painfully shy, so very shy that his first impression was of myself~ just a flash of red hair, running away..

Thank you for being part of the soundtrack of my life.
Happy Birthday Daryl

Moments

For this one moment I need you near, in this moment please pray for me.

I feel the waves wash over me when ever the tears well up.

When all I can ask is why.

This moment you are seeing me, deeper.

Where my heart lies.

This moment I need a peace that will blanket me with the comfort of hope..

Poetry paints an image of tears falling free spilling over like leaves in the autumn season.

Inside I am renewing, and waiting, being apart of me in this moment.

Colors flare as the ground rests, lay my burdens down.

A moment, then forever when we touch the lives of those we hold dear .

"Mom you know that Banana Bread you like to make for after school?
Well it's basically Awesome!"

Oh so filling & very wholesome, here is our favorite banana recipe to share.

Ingredients:

1 1/3 cups whole wheat flour

1 cup of (natural sugar cane), or raw sugar

2 tsp baking powder

1 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp sea salt

2 big, or 3 medium over ripe smashed bananas

1 Tbsp ground flax seed mixed with 3 Tbsp water, and set aside to thicken for a few min.

1 tsp vanilla extract

a half cup of chocolate chips or substitute with:

(1/4 cup raisins &

1/4 cup chopped walnut halves or another nut you like)

To Make:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Mix 1 1/3 cups flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. 
In a separate bowl, mix the wet ingredients. Add the wet to the dry. 

Pour into a large bread pan that is lightly oiled. Bake for about 40 minutes, or until the top is golden and a toothpick comes out clean. Let cool for 10 minutes before slicing.

Enjoy with your favorite Autumn cuppa!

This week...
I saw myself twice, once in the mirror and the next in a dream.
I asked for help, it was time to help me see the woman in the mirror and the child in the dream.
With Prayer and counseling the words lead me to and from Ephesians 5:26.. protected, healed, comforted, loved.
Intertwined with this life and once upon a time. I discovered that, in this peaceful transition, what I already knew.
I am not 'your' child anymore, no I am a Woman. With this, I am after a heart so pure, only my one true protector has it.
"Where were you when they told the news? Chances are you already knew."
This week someone stopped me in my tracks with a realization that for once I can say to myself this that for once I can actually hold and comfort that child. Through prayer of healing, this child is no longer, and it is blanketed by a secure comfort of a life now lived. A life of faith, of thanksgiving, of adoration, of love. Forgiven those with a wholeheartedness as I let go. Left behind are the burdens, and baggage dragged to the cross, with every emotion, every toy from a life of struggle. By the time it's up on that hill at the foot of the cross there are no handles left to hang on to, with hands achey and my back bent in strife. Down there.. where it will be laid forever, walk away, do not turn back to stare on the pile of mud, but rather think on the Forever Freedom.

A Giveaway

In the true nature of bringing in the harvest.
Of having a festive Thanksgiving meal,with Family and Friends.
"I want to share a giveaway."
During our time this summer with a local CSA I had the chance to also purchase wool. The fleecy sheep that run around in the fields are very well taken care of and free range.
The shorn fleece is then taken to an antique woolen mill, where it is washed & carded.
The fantastic lopi that I have in abundance has been part of our Thanksgiving feast this weekend as I am now done knitting a sweater..again.

Thank you for sharing your Thanksgiving moments. :)
-I left an announcement in the comments of this post.

Friends & Followings

The boys come home often from school with wild stories about how they are going to travel to far off places and bring back treasures. 

~They are going to do this when they are older and have lots more poles to build rafts out of. 

But first they need to go recycle bottles and plastics to help save up for their green fuel.~

It always strikes me how nostalgic this feels for me.  

Fortunately the clubhouse is in our backyard, and the trampoline launches each child into a universe of imagination.

Just in case they read this in 10 years, 'less or more' here's to you Brothers, following your friends, 

Thank you for sharing through your eyes a tremendous creativity that speaks volumes! 

This much I know for certain, the years sure fly by too fast!

Reflections of Thankfulness

Sometimes there is a grand adventure. Sometimes I just want to escape, to the great outdoors. hike in the mountains, camp in the trees, walk barefoot on the moss and lie down to look up to see the sky peeping out between the forest of treetops.

















alone.

















Sometimes when the night is quiet and there is a coffee in reach, while the quiet mounts and I feel a sigh of relaxing escape my body, I am thankful that it is late, there are no restraints and I can write, or knit or stretch for no reason.


When all that is building in my mind and soul finds its way to the top with no words to describe it, sometimes the hurt and the anger emerge. and I ask Why was I created.

I am thankful for the answers that whisper softly in my ears.
~I love you child and you are precious to me. The dear heart I have knit together is full of kindness and grace, you're


gentle and fierce. I love everything about you no matter how you say, Why am I here, why did you make me this way. Always know that I knew you through every minute of your life and you are welcome to ask why.
sometimes.


This year I counted some blessings too.

Music.
47 balls of yarn.
106 sets of needles and crochet hooks inherited from my Grandmother.
22 boxes left to unpack.
Photography & arts.
4 children & 2 parents that are happy to call this new town, and new home. Home.
5 weeks of falling leaves.
1 Husband who is following a dream come true.
15 eggs provided in a timely situation.
1 Kai build.
2 Asher portfolios.
1 Azaelea that dances for any song.
1 quizzical Ethan that loves numbers as much as his Mom.
4 boxes of art supplies.
5 beds for our family to sleep on.
10 blogs that I read regularly.
Friends.

A Little Time to Knit

Thank you Christine,
for capturing my love for knitting as I finished this sweater.

Thank you Friends,
who travel this journal with me.
Truly you are an encouragement.

Thank you Karin,

who has been reading from the beginning.
I have spent time reading and listening to all the responses,
not always with my eyes, also with my heart.

I hope that you know that your words are peaceful,
uplifting, joyful. I see your heart when you share.

Happy Birthday Kai

Three hours ago

I was sitting with my children, relaxing after a full morning of unpacking, just knitting away. As I paused and saw all their faces so intent on the project they were working on, Kai asked; "Mom are you going to take a picture of that sweater when you are done?" "Yes that would be a great idea Kai!" Then as I finished the last stitch and lifted it into the air, there was a gasp that escaped my chest. I had dropped a stitch about 6 inches from the bottom. "That's OK mom, Ethan reassured me, we'll keep you company while you re knit that part." I couldn't help feeling that sense of relief, like a big bear hug from his kindness, listening with my heart I heard the patience that was his gift.
It is completely knitted now.

I was reminded of three years ago.
We were waiting for the birth of our daughter, a little sister that had been an answered prayer for our Ethan. He had also asked Santa to please send him a little sister.
This was a long wait for him, and he learned that patience was a gift.

A little time to share my 10 delights for this season

 1. I finished another tiny sweater. It was lovingly knitted then given to our youngest niece.
A mini version of the original Shalom cardigan

I had been working on the first one and found somethings with my needle size challenging, so took the positive high road and made the mini version.

2. In our family we have many Birthdays to celebrate in the Fall. Kai will be first, he is very excited to be 6.

3. Summer is over and school has resumed. The quiet mornings have been tender times with my daughter. Sometimes on a rare occasion I can sit with her and knit while she snuggles in and watches a favorite video.

4. A new Home, A new job and it's a blank canvas starting over. With a new atmosphere and witty new projects.

5. Morning black coffee.

6. Sleeping soundly Saturday mornings.

7. Listening to the new Live Priscilla Ahn album.

8. There are plenty of trees in our backyard, with lots of playing, biking and new friends, the kids adventures outside are fascinating..they have grand ideas about changing our garage into their shop, or a theatre or a skate park.

9. Crunchy leaves, piles of leaves and blowing leaves, the crispness in the air is so refreshing.

10. Daryl & I took a temperament test from a great book 'Please Understand Me 2' by David Kiersey. We both had to take it twice. The second time it was truly eyeopening. A composer and a counsellor/healer have been living together seeing our lives richly emerge. Where with some new inspiration and information we can actually now understand each other in just those quiet moments more.

Please friends share a delight or two from your season, I would enjoy that.

Stay Here With Me

Found you up in your tree again
Tried to talk you down
Baby you know I understand
Sometimes you don't wanna be on the ground

Pretty little flower you are
Barely holding on in the wind
It's hard to see you falling apart
Paying the price for someone's sin

Well I can't see the future
And I can't turn back time
All we got is this moment
I hope it lasts a little while
So wrap your arms around me
Let me hold you til we sleep
Tomorrow will be a better day
Just stay here with me
Oh just stay here with me

Sometimes the tide comes in too high
And carries you away
Sometimes you can't see the sky
For all the clouds and rain

Well I can't see the future
And I can't turn back time
All we got is this moment
I hope it lasts a little while
So wrap your arms around me
Let me hold you til we sleep
Tomorrow will be a better day
Just stay here with me
Oh just stay here with me
Just stay here with me

Daryl Wilson

Missing Link

The pages of the book I was reading seemed to be just what I needed, in this small fragment of time, that I had to enjoy the ebb & flow as my mind relaxed.
Outside the wind had picked up and I could see the crispness as the leaves swished and swirled before they lightly fell to the ground. My green knitting lay beside my left hand and the book was in my right, while the steam from a fresh coffee caused me to pause all that I was doing and grasp it. The gentle smile I saw on my husbands face revealed that it had been placed there some time ago, quietly as to not disturb my thoughts.
It did not take long before I was lost in thought again. Are the trees that stand tall and sway in the wind the symbols of our strength? This is the time that we spend unveiling memories, gaining footing, trusting friendships, that are intimately and ornately intertwined with the loves in our lives.

“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing
that the testing of your faith produces endurance, and let endurance have its perfect
result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing” (James 1:2-4).

The thoughts continue as I begin the daily rounds, the recipes of comfort foods splayed out before me on the computer screen, new ingredients, more filling staples, additions to our pantry, and soups that will be hearty on chilly days. While our little daughter quietly goes about helping me throughout the day and we take time to play, and snuggle before her sleep time. I cherish the flow of the days with routine. It feels like the missing link when I can be in tune with my thoughts again. Then our boys will arrive home from school with flushed cheeks and cold noses, hoping for a cuppa hot cocoa and a cuddle or two.
I believe this is where I will go back to my knitting, enjoying fall.

It's that crisp wonderful time that I enjoy, Fall!

I decided it was best to recycle some thoughts from the same time last year.
After we moved again it felt more grounded for our family. Though more thoughtful, and silent at times. There was plenty of time to reflect on our thanksgiving.

Recycled impacts from a year gone by.

-A friend of the same cloth that has similar threads that have been sown close to yours, is truly still the most unique friend to have.

-Taking a step of faith is not as easy as cleaning house.

-To live laugh and love is the best medicine for the heart.

-Truthfully expressing my heart in my deepest thoughts, is prayers.

-Therapy by myself can include folding laundry and doing dishes. Even if it is time consuming at least no one else wants to do it with me.

-To believe I can/will lose a relationship is a heartfelt sadness.

-Farmers have markets that attract artists. I like to visit these markets and support the artists and the farmers. Where baskets are filled with their yummy creations that I get to take home.

-Writing without ceasing is going to form stories that need to be told.

-Secrets of the heart that dig deep into the core of a family, have been kept too long and they need to be shared after decades of silence.

-Quirky is as quirky does..

-4 children bring and have so many different love languages they are eager to learn.

-A family that is built on trust prays earnestly loves deeply and walks faithfully.

-Sometimes a whole season may pass without truly experiencing any element of your surroundings because there is so much going on, right there in your moments.

-recycling older posts is a reminder of how my years are full of memories.

Sweet Reminders

There are times when I find something that is in a search for inspiration. It speaks volumes to me simply through experience. I found one author who was writing about her angst now raising a daughter. She spent her own childhood being without a Father. Falling into endless downward spirals, and childhood abuses. In her writing she compared her seeking, to her blessings of having a husband that sees that need in their daughters life. She seeks reminders of her life as it is now. So joyful, blessed & full of life, with her husband that adores all the children in a true approach, that makes her heart skip a little. After sharing about her childhood & all the measures she took to be noticed through her years growing up, the author ended her blog with. "Do you have a daughter?"

Here is part of one Father's response;
"As a husband/father who has dealt with countless hours of counseling in the past, helping my wife to overcome “absent father” issues from her childhood, it has brought the following to light for me personally:
Little girls need their Daddy’s. Daddy’s need their wives to push them/encourage them to do one-on-one activities with their little girls.
It’s tough, trying to break a past generational curse of absentee-fatherism… But, I know deep inside that every little TINY thing that I do to encourage my daughter is ultimately building towards her future. Moms & Wives encourage Dads to spend time with your daughters. It can ultimately make all the difference IN THE WORLD in the future life of your little girl."

Staircases

Pause at the bottom. -When we really pause and share our thoughts are we taking a step of faith?

Taking the first step up. -A step on this new staircase that leads to a deeper trust.

Continuing a few more steps. -There is more appreciation for love than for food.

Running all the way up a full flight.-When there are times we runaway only to want to be found.

At the top & pausing again.  -Something like the lost sheep theory that strikes a chord with our faith.

Meeting a friend at the top & planning to go down. - Join me in this journey.

Carefully taking steps down, & trying not to trip each other. -You will see more clearly of what this life has to offer once the veil is lifted.

Counting every step as it reaches a new level. -Speaking truths, only to be quieted by questions.

Now at the bottom again.- It is a turn in our view when we see the whole picture.

Leaving the staircase. -This is a walk in the forest. A new relationship with time, with true searching.

I found you in this place again. -Peace.

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase." ~Martin Luther King Jr.

Everyday has minutes

I was reading a lot of blogs in the last day and was fascinated by the amount of life that is recorded. From amazing recipes, to giveaways, to stories of life in the mountains and in the prairies. I decided to pause and really grasp today in this very minute.
My house is quiet as I write, the children are sleeping in after a fun summer night. There are plans to discover a new hiking trail today, pack a picnic and soak in these last days before August is over. Our little girl and youngest has been learning big girl tasks and dancing more. It has been a short summer more because I am enjoying these 'last' baby days, savoring that this stage is also coming to an end. Though Fall is my favorite season of rest, this summer will be the last one that I have babies to raise up, last summer carrying a baby everywhere we are, last diapers. From this moment on everyday will be firsts in this big wide world for all 4 children learning from our careful instruction. This is an emerging moment, where I know close to my heart, this summer will be cherished and remembered for many years.

Living Water

Today is the day that I prayed for you.
Yesterday is past, tomorrow still has time to start.
I stood watching you in the glass reflection, you paused with me and smiled for a instant.
Today is the day I prayed for you.
Do you feel your heart healing, & your mind relaxing?
It's going to be in a minute that will pass, or perhaps an hour that comes and goes, please remember.
I love you to pieces and I am so pleased to know that you have walked this journey with me. You opened my eyes to the loving hands and hearts that surround my life, believe with me that this will only be one prayer, the rest has bathed you in waiting.
Notice this passage:

"On the last and greatest day of the Feast, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, 'If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him.'" -John 7:37-38

Feel it now? Streams of living water for you~(for me).

June

This month is one for reflection. On having our 13th wedding anniversary, 'by myself' I was challenged to wonder why do I celebrate milestones in my life. That is something that I get so excited about, a week before a Birthday, a anniversary, Christmas , even groundhogs day, I feel myself getting chatty about the date that is approaching, and wondering if anyone else even knows that date is on it's way..
Is it the date of the month or the year or is that there was a common sense to how meaningful I had made the date, over the years..this is something that I love, remembering dates!
This year for a celebration of Fathers day we sent D to Vancouver to fish on the ocean with a friend in the channels between the mainland and Vancouver island. It was exhilarating for him to pull up salmon and crabs and other such sea life and bring home to his family 20 pounds of filet salmon to share.
Simply sharing all I really wanted to do this week was pack up for our next move and have a salmon dinner with my family, but life as it often does got in the way, new jobs have started
and we are now hoping to camp in a cabin for the summer and store most of our possessions away
until we have a home of our own again. So much has happened this month, and I am thrilled, it's often hard to share in a nutshell. It would be far more detailed over coffee.
This evening I received the most heartfelt love filled email that left me knowing this life here and now and the everyday is worth the celebration every step we take together.
There is so much more to share...when I have a little more time...

..Health, Happiness & Loss

2 snowstorms this month and 2 trips to B.C. has kept us entirely on our toes to say the least.

A couple weeks into April I felt the need to fly out again, to be by my Grandma's side.

When I booked the flight on Saturday there was no mention that she was

most likely only going to survive 1 or 2 more weeks..

The first night I arrived, was her first night in extended care.

She had been placed in a convalescent room to begin with and had a terrible night,

so within 24 hours they transferred her  to a palliative room..

In the hours that I spent by her side, I felt the need to sing, to cry and to pray..

All her work was done as she faded through the hours..

After returning home for a few days, we celebrated my Birthday Apr. 17

It was a gorgeous day. So peaceful,..and the very same hands that helped deliver me 33 years ago to the day,

died peacefully that same evening. I loved her more than words can express.

We all travelled together for a semi small goodbye reception.

I wanted to share this with you because I believe my lack of experience with loss (through death) numbs my mind a bit, as I hold on to the memories. and I just wanted to share with friends who read here...

When I was this age I never dreamed about being 33 now, wow it shows me how time flies,
when I watch our 4 children change & grow so fast. 
Celebrating my Birthday & sweet joys with my family today! 4/17/77

Ponderings & Wonderings

Wondering if its time & possible to change the look

of this blog, you know maybe I could add a little flare...

Pondering how it is possible that 

Home Church just hits me straight in the heart.

We had such a full Sunday. The theme was overcoming the feelings of shame, because there is no shame for those who are in Christ.

After meeting together, sharing, praying, & eating;

Our care group swooped down on a house that was to me like a reminder of 'coming home'.

This house was what I was raised in, right down to the carpets, broken faucets, and very full 

looking tables and counters, unkept, uncared for, because those that were living there 

were lost, and needing to be loved. 

This was just the same for the man that was living at this house, needing to know that he is accepted, loved, forgiven..

When I got a chance to meet him (a new friend), what hit me the hardest was that he was a complete look-alike to my step-father...

so I hugged him.

 

Time to freshen up!

Starting with a good hair chop.

Music in the air, and learning how to bake bread.

  Moving on to simplifying cupboards and unpacking the rest of our home,.

All in hopes for that Spring fever! 

I Do Miss These...

Tallest is Asher
Recorded him for 5 years here;
along with Ethan, Kai in the middle and their
cousin Mya.
Shortest is Azaelea.
This is my shy attempt of keeping this memory close.

Days go by...

This last week has left us lost and found again.
We were expecting to be a little lost, and then the
move went so well.
Many happy hands helped us from start to finish.
We were completely moved in one day,
 leaving another day to clean. So very thankful!
As we set about unpacking here in our new home, it
has been so pleasant and we are almost done!
What we found was a new adventure. An answered prayer.
Excited to see what is next while we are settling in here.
It feels like a cabin on an acreage, a well hidden abode.
I love listening to the children discovering more and more, that they
enjoy being out in the country, one thing is missing though
they say. A lake!
Today as the boarded the schoolbus for the very first time, I cried
just watching how much joy they had bounding up the stairs of the bus.
As they drove away, it was very clear that days are going by eagerly.

Want more but need to take less

Time to acquire hope.
Peace to sit still.
There was once a time that I needed to go
and not stop until all was accomplished.
The first performance on stage, the first
monologue written, the first dance number, the only
graduation.
What I have learned from the last 15 years is not
that I need to stop and remember but that praying for those
around me that I see or never meet is what is on my heart as of late.
There are times that I say goodbye and my heart aches because
there is a chance I may never see this soul again.
To laugh ~to dance~ to hug ~to cry are all parts of the puzzle we call life.
I want to meet my Dad and look him in his eyes and if he is not living
gaze at a picture of him and know that my second son resembles a part of
his history that I have never known.
We celebrated our son today for his 8th Birthday and within his joy I
saw another year starting, whole new goals awaiting. Another day starting with
Good Morning Mom.

This week we celebrated the littlest lady and our First Born Son.

2 years have flown by faster than his first decade I must say!
10 & 2 Whew, I can't imagine yet, but one day I will be  watching them leave home....
To listen to their future dreams and introduce us to their own new loves.
Then one day maybe only 10 years from now we will hear about travelling and their parents can live vicariously through them.
Will the second decade of parenting go by faster? How will I ever remember all the sweet details that show up in our daily lives. How will I remember their quirks that hung on for so long.
Asher had an army crawl that was so fun to watch and he would always do the splits, swirl his legs behind him and then take off on his elbows propelling him so fast.
Azaelea danced her way to 22 months, bopping her bum up and down but no walking
until one day....
Then there is our other 2 that make up 4 amazing children,
Ethan had this amazing smile that would spread from ear to ear if Coldplay was playing and he adored having a baby doll to carry around cradled in his one arm...
Kai will still put a cape on and build the largest forts and he is one that has always tried to figure out how things work, by first taking it apart.
Day to Day in all its adventures is one day only going to be loving memories, sigh.

October (part deux)

This has been a productive month with projects
well on the way and some even getting finished.

Kai has asked me so intently,
"mom can you knit me a cape, if you have time?"
So we picked up some camoflauge yarn and have
had fun designing one together
it should be done next week at least he would love if it was.
Pictured on this post are 2 favourite hats that I shared the patterns
for in a previous blog. Pixie & boyfriend.

Tomorrow instead of worrying about too much sugar
and hand sanitizing this year, we have chosen to celebrate
a Birthday with a friend who was born on Hallowe'en.
It was very touching when we (the parents) posed the
question to our children.
They all had a chance to answer and they all really wanted to
go on a 'trip' to see friends in Edmonton.
Looking forward to visiting around a fire
and spending time enjoying the company.
I do miss those fun Hallowe'en traditions growing up
of skipping around the neighbourhood trick or treating,
bobbing for apples, hay rides,
pumpkin carving and pies.
Happy Hallowe'en!!

~A question to my knitting friends, I would like to
successfully learn how to half brioche stitch and
get lost after the first row. please help!

 (Originally not posted on January 28, 2009)

I Dream Memories

Sunday night after a full day of memories and tears and hugs I tried to lay down and rest.

There was a prayer that I silently had on my heart all day and that is Lord may we go in peace with the strength that only You can bless us with. Jesus be our love....

When I lay down I could not close my eyes my friends face was there over and over again, and I began to remember. I remembered the first day we met the youth when Drew was asking us to help him lead, and a friendly face was all I needed to see that day, but one I remember the most.

I remember sometimes wanting to share my testimony so much but fearing the words would not come out right, and a friendly voice encouraging me to keep going and share what I can. I remember someone I had never met dying in an unfortunate car accident, right near their home and fearing my tears were not from me I continued to their home. Tears and no words all I could muster was I am sorry, and all I needed to see was my friend walking away and letting me cry.

I remember arriving at your home with our very first baby, and your first baby was there waiting to greet us and that moment is so precious.
Keep friends as family and they will share their families warmth, laughter and kindness on these well worn walking tracks with you, as a guide or a companion.

Happy Birthday To You
Happy Birthday To You

Happy Birthday to Daddy/Daryl
Happy Birthday To You!!!!!!!!!

We truly love you so much.

My poor subconcious mind is having a turmoil this week.
On the occasion that these are growing pains, it will need to be celebrated at a later date.

A week ago Thursday the first incident was that one son was having trouble with a bully
pushing him around during Lunch.
At school we were already speaking to his teacher about including him in the class. Addressing that it was better to not give him extra attention. He was responding bitterly too. We asked that instead could they please add his desk back with the rest of his classmates.
That ruling was passed, yes lots of details but I really do not want to explain here now.,,,,
Then he says please let me stay home from school, (first clue), after school during routine inspections his lunch container is smashed with minor evidence that it has been stomped on, he is mortified of course, because it is sooo messy. Both of his older brothers offer to sit with him in the lunchroom. After calling and what would seem like a peaceful conclusion has been set, son #2 wins an award in front of the school, Hooray! So Son #1 sits alone in a classroom with Son #3. After eating, son#3 stays in class all through recess because he was waiting to be excused. In the process of being alone and fidgety he accidentally cuts the very tip of his finger off with his own scissors!!
Onwards mommy soldier comes in to find out how we can resolve these problems only to land an argument with his teacher. At the end we decide that it is best if we just see it as it is. A challenge and to carry on with the full awareness that we have a year of hand fullness.
Long story, I had a grand encounter with all the teachers that were involved and that issue is
being dealt with well.

On to our weekend, many prayers and many questions and the quiet assurance that Jesus can be our answers when I am trying to regain trust and my own heart back.

Monday Son #1 has a life altering problem that he wants to share. A boy that he thought was a friend last year is harrassing him in the bathroom. Red flags go off! Now with all the descriptions recorded, Prayers have been answered in the most amazing ways. We met with his principal and were reassured with the complete trust that this matter will now be resolved. I watch as Son #1 has a regained confidence to tackle some of lifes challenges.

Right now, in this very moment all I want to do is find a circle that I can share my life with, all the secrets and all the details, just let it all out! Just an answered prayer that my subconcious would have a load off and I will be able to carry on to see who and what gifts that the Lord wants to reveal in my life.

Over tea if asked we can have a lovely talk about the deeper sides of these life stories from this last week, but here on this journal I will try my best to leave out most details.....

Realizing I am a people lover

It is true, really.
I love people and how they lift you up. Take you flying with their encouragement.
When at best I just have a few words to share, they are received with so much gratitude.
How on earth can you take stock of friends,
and why would we ever need to, when
surrounded with so much joy?
Tell me how to pray and I will still pray the way I need to, that is how the heart works, you take a step of faith and listen.
I spent some time in the mountains last weekend. A bit lost, and awkward, because there was no way to tell if I was enjoying myself. But I had a little visitor, a baby boy that is my friends dear son. His mom who is a lovely friend needed to shop in the stores for awhile. As we stood on a corner there were plenty of opportunities to say hi at passersby, smile when they adored him, and give a few compliments to complete strangers. I was floored by the way their faces lit up. By close examination you would think that I should be a tourist and walking around seeing the sights. But as lost as I felt it was a great content to just know where I was at. As an added impact there was a familliar face from years past crossing the street smiling widely and we connected for a few brief moments. You never know where your heart is at when it is searching but what I do know is..
 I am a people lover.

Again this heart is hiding...

Dreams are taking me to far off slumber where I am lost in answers.
Answers that may need to stay deep down.
Deep down in my heart where it can write its own story.
A story where everything that is written is understood.
Understood with words that are spoken gracefully and with a determination.
Determination to settle in for the long travels that are ahead, both from the past and in the future.
In the future a book will be written here in my heart hiding there so that it can not be judged.
Judged by those who refuse to see deeper than what they understand.

Again this heart is hiding it has come to a place that is raw and still runs full steam ahead.
Ahead of challenges, ahead of hurting memories, ahead of numbers and time frames that I try to avoid.
Trying to avoid it never works, if there is something and someone that needs to be encountered it will happen.

In the least likely way, as if appearing in my sight from negative to positive.
Positive because that is what all solutions are made of and its the main ingredients that are needed.
Needed in a heartfelt way that even in my feeble attempts to portray those thoughts in words its becoming a downward spiral.

Please see my heart, and know that my words are not possibly able to describe where I am at right now.
Hear my prayers as they are whispered but felt deep in the core of this being.
Join my thoughts and open the door of understanding.
 There will be someone Jesus sends who has an unquenchable delight in quiet solitude that leads to our lives intertwining with poetry.

What have I learned this year?
Here are some impacts that are in my thoughts.

-A friend of the same cloth that has similar threads and that have been sown close to yours is truly still the most unique friend to have.

-Food will control me when my deepest desire is to hide from the truth.

-Memories take over my dreams and build stories that could have happened and I wake up in sheer terror hoping that its possible for my brain to lie.

-Taking a step of faith is not as easy as cleaning house.

-To live laugh and love is the best medicine for the heart.

-Truthfully expressing my heart in my deepest thoughts is prayer that is worth repeating forever.

-Therapy by myself can include folding laundry and doing dishes even if it is time consuming at least no one else wants to do it with me.

-To believe I can/will lose a relationship is a heartfelt sadness.

-Farmers have markets that attract artists. I like to visit these markets in a center of white topped tents where baskets are filled with their yummy creations that I get to take home.

-Writing without ceasing is going to form stories that need to be told.

-Secrets of the heart that dig deep into the core of a family, have been kept too long and they need to be shared after decades of silence.

-Quirky is as quirky does..

-4 children bring and have so many different love languages they are eager to learn.

-A family that is built on trust prays earnestly loves deeply and walks faithfully, this is what I am told, and hope that happens too.

-This may go for another year, so finally here I have learned that if you put your mind to it, a story of a family who took a fast from convenience has inspired me to reach new depths of my ideas.
To write them down.
It has kept my attention longer than I imagined it would, and in their gifts to their amazing family, I see a book that could be published for someone like myself who can see change begin to happen, but they have experienced the raw truth of a year lived straight back to our growing roots....

What is something that has impacted you this year?

Linden Sandy Park

This is the day I pay tribute to the park my children have beckoned us to visit day after day for over 9 years now.
Oh sand park you are here through thick and thin in walking distance and a neighbour friend. Many have come and gone but we are here to say that you have stood through the test of time. Through many sunny days, afternoons and windy picnics we have enjoyed the calm serenity of you as a constant friend. Hope the months that seem like years where you are buried under mounds of snow are not too lonely. maybe this year we will build a snowman right in the center to stand tall in honour of your patience! See you soon.

Layers

Years of writing has taught me a few things.
Such as how to fall in love with words when
Life is the definition of Insanity.
Let us be what we enjoy in so many ways in so many layers.
Peeling back layers causes me to see how to pray deeper.
Now its remembering to squeal with joy when delights
are daydreamed.
While trying to release the intense pressure to cry.
Wonderful tears even by myself as I picture joy in these words....
Ocean~ mountains~ road trips~ lavender fields
free range~ organic~ cotton~ seaweed~ rice~ sushi
windy afternoons~ growing~ planting~
fair trade~books read so many times the pages are worn in
mossy paths~ giggles~ children squealing~ skinny dipping~
streaking~ late night swims~ early morning dips~ running
long walks~ hiking~ glorious sun~sailing~ shady picnics
collecting rocks~ searching for sand dollars~climbing trees
sons~ daughter~ husband~ being a wife~ falling in love~
living life~ laughing lots~ creating~ cooking~ experimenting
building~ crafts~ pictures~painting~ writing~ exploring
trees~ birds~ animals~ flowers~ learning~ sharing~
opening up~ listening to the heart~ conversations~ Praying

Do you feel it calling in the air tonight "Hold On"

This morning I woke up feeling so much joy it hurt.
Last night I cried myself to sleep.
A dear friend asked me this week, if I have a feeling of 'Anywhere but here?
I sure do and I cry every time I think of it.
Oh the memories; I miss hearing these phrases.
~The ocean is just over there, can't we go see it?
~Not right now dear let us go to the local market to pick some fruit from the vines.
~The mossy paths in my Grandma's back yard are so fun to explore....let's go!
~Want to go Skinny dipping in our backyard pond?
The moments that seem like forever ago.
I don't want to run away, my friends and family are surrounding us here. Pouring out love and
encouraging all of us to reach out and not drown in hopeful escape routes.
Really what is better than a full quiver of children calling me MOM and a dear Husband who provides everything to make our family feel safe and secure.
I have climbed up in my tree again and have no one to understand how to talk me down again, When all I am concentrating on is what is OUT THERE???
I will listen to anyone who wants to share,
and I just need to learn how to share myself, and let someone else listen to my heart.

I Truly Love My Birthday!

April 17, 1977

My family went to an import store today and got amazing treasures from around the world.

And our friends will gather tonight for some more celebrating!

Just a Taste

This morning as I woke up to the sounds of my children playing laughing and crawling around, I heard a familiar laugh on my side of the bed. Pk-bo! Zae was trying her best to say peek a boo and laughing so hard at herself. It was great, the sun was bright and it was another morning wondering how to wake up peacefully. As I walked out the door with the little playful girl in my arms the familiar smell of strong coffee was in the air.
It took a long time for me to notice through the brightly lit windows that snow had fallen all the night before. I had cheerfully already left messages on a friends answering machine about a lunch potluck today, only to have her return the call to ask if i had looked out the window. Travelling on the roads was not a good idea. Another lunch date was made and we sought out plans to stay home and hibernate. As the months have gone on we have seen only peeks of sun and warm strolls during these days are enjoyed and longed for.
It did not take long to rest in the cabin fever as I tried to cheer up my anxious boys with some home baked bread. For a marvelous taste of Peanut Butter Banana Bread please try this recipe:

http://www.banana-bread.biz/peanut-butter-banana-bread/

Its a great treat after a snowman is built and snow balls thrown ice is stomped on and cold children are looking for hot chocolate. And for their parents who are warmed through and through that today even though we were hibernating was a bright day!

Thoughts and Allegations

The phone call lasted nearly an hour and I thought; Wow, can we not talk like this when we are face to face, why now? The supper was needing to be made and baby needed a diaper change. Boys were home from school and they needed after school snacks and the odd job that was left till now was still lingering.
I will talk sure I will talk but I will guard my words, so that they are not judged harshly, or that my words are not a vending competition in future conversations.
Conversation words are only words and yet they have so much importance in our very being. We can look at so many different languages and know that in each and every one that the main goal is communication.
I do not know how to communicate as a tool for everyday life I know how to communicate for survival. Body language is another form of communication that can be read and misunderstood so many times in one day.
Hubby is home now the supper is wafting to the doorway and his hands are cold as he reaches for a hug. But I am typing and I am enjoying typing so taking a quick loving second he reaches around my middle for a warm snuggle and then he just carries on with other after work tasks until supper will be served.
The sounds from everyone in our house are coming in waves now almost like colours sometimes silence can be deafening though. When I hear sounds I try to pick out my favorite and concentrate on them, piano , laughter, wind are all sounds I enjoy.
Giggling, yelling, stomping, play fighting, and yes crying & screaming from the sounds of fighting are common amongst little children especially brothers or even babies when they are inconsolable. Sometimes when I long for silence I fear that I like quiet so much because of the noise that was a constant in my home growing up. We would hear yelling, screams of help, bottles smashing, doors slamming, t.v. blaring, and of course children were to not be heard or seen unless they were being beckoned for chores or meals.
Bedtime was deliberate, no hugs, no stories, if we were not quick enough we could not even change into p.j.s. Rarely were there bath times and once or twice a month was common. In the morning when it was time to wake up if we did not respond to our name in an instant we could be forced to do chores outside, until breakfast.
I remember piling wood in the middle of winter in my p.j s and mittens, hating life and looking forward to escaping away for a full day of school.
Wow did I love school, it is fun to see the boys and their different outlooks on school days. One even likes math and spelling a lot. I loved math and spelling, so much I looked forward to math competitions and spelling bees. So fun. Another loves gym, running and competing. Again this was something I looked forward to too. And yet another likes the drawing and creating that he does in some parts of the day, as well as the music. I know that comes from my husbands love of the arts.
Supper is ready.
Baby is needing a bottle or something to eat as well she is cranky from a short nap and fun playtime is not an option.
Everyone is getting ready for the children's bedtime.
I am pondering what to do after hours, go to work or keep writing, maybe relax with something mindless and not thought provoking or now keep writing after a glass of wine has been poured.
Mentally I am still recovering from a loss of a friend and a long trip to a far off town which has left me hoping for rest and solitude as well as rest for the all of the family. We really had a very peaceful drive to and from our destination but the events have left us all feeling like a battery that needs to be recharged. At night when I dream it is blackness and yet it is still dreaming, I seem to be trying to make up my own dreams and yet hoping that someone else does the portrait for me.
I was thinking as I often do playing on the floor with baby when one of my sons came to me broken hearted. He had tried to wash his portrait of him and his daddy with water and unbeknown st to him had not realized that indeed he had washed it clear away. The picture lay in his hands displaying all that was left, which was, smudges of colours that were once there.
We managed to find another picture of him with his daddy and framed it so that when it got dirty he could just wash the glass off. He is always wanting to be clean; clean hands, clean face, clean clothes. Hopefully it is not a paranoia.
I am paranoid of bats flying anywhere 100 miles near our home let alone the thought that they may be in this town. There must be a home near ours because at night if I am taking the garbage out I hear a swish of wings, they have to be wings, and a squeak, Ahhhhh, yes a shriek lets out of my throat as I trip over nothing in the snow and come in mad and cold and wet but safe from the predators.
What could possibly be worst than the paranoia of predators of any kind, we would write a whole report together on the many versions of predators so lets change the subject.
Mm mm chocolate and coffee. Can you love some things too much, probably? Endangered species chocolate and fair trade coffee, wonderful objects of pleasure.
Moments of other pleasures have been when the sun hits the ocean in the morning right after sunrise, and there is a blanket over my shoulders or oars in hand as we glide over the water. Climbing a mountain in the wee hours of the day just to get to the peak before sunrise and see all those colours. Walking in forest paths and smelling moss as it wafts to your nose. Seeking out treasures in old forests where the trees have seen so many years go by. Finding waterfalls that have caves inside of them and paths beside them to explore. Going skinny dipping, searching for seashells in the sand, these are all events that I miss dearly.

Thoughts and allegations this post was called but really it is a stream of consciousness, meant to let you in on my mind and how it can stream in an hour of writing.
Let me know what you think.*

Heartache

Sunday evening we got tragic news that our little sister Ashleigh had died in a 2 car collision.
We will be celebrating her life this Saturday, December 27 at 1pm in Quesnel, with many loving members of her family and friends.
In the midst of the traditional Christmas festivities let us all remember that there are so many on the roads travelling to see loved ones or home and as they go reach out prayers of safety and hope.
May you and yours be surrounded by the love that Jesus pours into our lives so richly.
See you in the New Year!

In Remembrance.
Ashleigh Jordynne Smith

Quesnel Cariboo Observer Quesnel, BC

It was always all about Ashleigh Jordynne Smith.
Born a Princess July 25, 1991 and became an Angel December 21, 2008.
Ashleigh will be lovingly remembered by her parents Greg and Maria Dawson;
sisters, Kassie, Shelby and Mya; father, Jason Smith, Tam and Colt,
grandparents: Harold and Anne Bullock; Mike and Shirley Smith;
Jack and Martha Dawson; her Godparents and numerous aunts, uncles,
cousins and hundreds more family members and cherished friends.
Ashleigh was predeceased by her grandparents, Ken and Gladys Monk.
Ashleigh lived a very dynamic life in her 17 years, touching all she met
with her friendly smile, spunky attitude and her compulsion to push
the boundaries, way outside the box.
She was fortunate enough to travel to Italy, see the Queen, and meet
many musical celebrities.
She lived her life to the fullest with lots of enthusiasm and passion.
She truly believed that:
“Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets...
Nobody said it would be easy.
They just promised it would be worth it.”
Ashleigh was interred in the Tranquility Gardens on December 27.
We celebrated her life at the Northstar Baptist Church
with Minister Norm Botterill officiating.
We shared stories, laughs, songs, balloons and fireworks followed
by a reception fit for a princess. It truly was done in Ashleigh style.
Ashleigh’s family would like to thank you for your love and support at this time.
Donations in Ashleigh’s memory may be made to: Ashleigh Smith Trust Fund at the CIBC,
The Yellow Ribbon Society-Integris Credit Union, the SPCA-Quesnel Branch or the Samaritan’s Purse-Operation Christmas Child.

Her Celebration was amazing. Thank you for prayers.

We have had 4 birthdays
in the last 6 weeks!

Happy Birthday to Kai!
4 years old.

Happy Birthday to Daryl!!

!

Happy Birthday

Azaelea!

Today Asher is 9!

Happy Birthday!!