A little time to share

January 23, 2012

2012-01-23T23:35:00.001-07:00

On this day 5 years ago..
5 candles burned as our voices sang :: off key.

The candles on the ice cream cake sank in
& we all waited with bated breath.

You made a wish for a baby sister.
"I know my wish will come true."

How I wish { just this once } the sands of time would slow..

This year your wish:
Ultimate FX Lightsaber.

10!

Your double digits are something worth the fist pumps
ninja moves & intellectual conversations with Italian soda.

Counting down these next 365.5 days to your favorite day of the year.

Love you.
Ethan Alex.

Happy Birthday.

Location:January 23, 2012

intermingling with voices, patterns & coffee.

2012-01-15T21:50:00.001-07:00

What starts in the morning, swirling steam through the inner thoughts of this space. This writing.

When I say that I am strong, I mean this: I have been broken in a thousand pieces. I have been fused back together by grace.

When I say that I am treasured, it is because I am loved deeply. Completely. Unceasingly.

In the 14.5 years that I have been married, I have said things I should not have said, done things I should not have done. I’ve ripped him with barbed sarcasm; I’ve let anger win over love.

But also, I have stayed in this thing all the way. I have sat cross-legged on the living room floor until we worked it out. I learned how to cook his favorite meals.

Our jokes are getting a little frayed around the edges now, but we still laugh, doubling over in the kitchen over something not-that-funny, while Azaelea runs in circles around us.

Every Sunday night, I want to plan the week’s meals. Healthy meals. Good meals. Recipes I’ve perhaps pulled out of glossy magazines. I want to make detailed grocery lists, painstakingly noting each ingredient. But I have to try.. have this extra effort. Because around four o’clock on Tuesday, the beginning of the week, I realize we are out of milk, lunch was wasted and I forgot to buy pepper, so we have frozen pizza for dinner :: picnic-style in the living room instead.

The kids are hungry, and I am trying to finish reading an article, tweet a blog link, jot down a beautiful sentence. I am always saying “Just a second.” I am always multi-tasking, always letting someone down, always a little bit unbalanced in my priorities.

But I can’t stop spinning the words under my eager hands, because this is my calling too, just as I am called to hold these children, teach them, wipe their tears. I get up when the world is still dark. Start their breakfasts. Pack school lunches. Drink too much coffee. I write imperfect things.

I try to knit with my Grandmothers needles & wool and it looks a little off. The quilt she made years ago will never be mimicked. The squares don’t quite match in all the corners; the hurried seams are coming undone. But a son naps under it anyway on Sunday afternoons, his breath peaceful under this threadbare display of love.

We are drinking wine while the dishes sit, unwashed in the sink. I am sitting with Daryl watching a movie instead of catching up on laundry. And it might seem like the bread of idleness, but I know better. I am learning that what seems like waste is really love.

Azaelea reaches up first thing in the morning, says, “Mommy, hug.” I walk in the kitchen and Kai smiles like the sun, and this is how they call me blessed. Ethan and Asher beam over clean socks & full bellies. Daryl puts his arm around me as we walk, and it’s a thousand words of praise.

When I say that I am noble, I mean this: crow’s feet and stretch marks and orange hair, with strands turning white with age. I mean that my floor is covered in crumbs. I am still choosing the same outfit three days later, still trying not to nap at two in the afternoon. My kids are wearing worn out jeans to school, & they like them that way.

I mean that I am enough.
Just like this.
Just as I am.

beginning 2012

2012-01-02T11:40:00.001-07:00

The year begins, and something feels renewed.

A memory of the last year with all the triumphs & losses. Life & laughter.
One memory after another. Thankful posts, counting blessings.

I learned that to believe I can let go will be easier than hanging on.

I let go of my feelings of inadequacy to believe that everything will be ok in the end. It isn't the end yet.

But that strength is there, as wind to my back.

Gaining momentum throughout the whole year.
I'm looking forwards to what the next 364 days have.

Last year I started:

walking, yoga, eating more simply, losing weight
& taking better care of myself.

Now I will run. Make an impact. Change.

A quiet beauty in my week is a group of Wednesdays that welcomed me in the times when I felt lost. As a natural introvert who craves alone time.

Praying, eating, reading, fellowship & empathy. So thankful.

I'm looking forward to solo road trips & flights.
But most of all running a race start to finish.

Because truly I would still claim alone time is necessary for me, often.

Happy New Year!
It feels larger than life!

**one more note:

{Friends, please pray alongside us for Azaelea this week. She will undergo surgery Thursday, to correct her kidney reflux.}

January 1

2012-01-01T11:11:00.000-07:00

2011

2012

A frame of momentos.

2011-12-07T22:18:00.001-07:00

All I want for Christmas..

2011-12-06T19:10:00.001-07:00

"The secret to figuring out life:
All is grace.
Because God's transfiguring all things for His glory." Ann Voskamp

Over this year I am learning that freedom comes in waves of letting go.
The Celebration of the birth of Christ is a reminder of God's provision for us. To have freedom through His Son.

Quietly, I sit listening.
The mug feels heavy with warmth
& I remember moments..

Light, how it cascades in the forest drawing me closer.
"Let's keep walking, we'll reach the bonfire soon."

Walking the lit up streets at night, with all the festive homes lit up.
"Look at that house, so beautiful."

The snow blowing in the wind,
& with it the air smells so fresh.
"Can you hear singing?"

Sometimes even the deepest rooted lessons that can be learned are the ones that are hidden away for so long for fear of being found out.

When we have a little time to share and no interruptions, there is
a sense of safety.
A peaceful exchange.

Just memories
& the vivid imagination that we all are gifted with.

I'm in this place where the music and words are there.
& though there is beauty, the raw awareness that words are carving a path, has time going by..

Something I could never tire of is twinkly lights.
The way they light & sparkle.
All the while children's eyes catch the moment as they gasp in awe.

Every single year, I watch our children give many gifts wholeheartedly.
Family traditions are so abundant.
Enjoying many gifts all month long.

Including but not limited to: reading together, helping hands, lighting candles, baking to share with neighbours, food hampers, dessert nights with friends, living room music gatherings, hay rides, hot chocolate outings, carolling, family movies, Turkey feasts...

While we most always are travelling each year, this one we are close to home. Along with 2 brand new cousins and Daryl's whole extended family.

The infamous Santa & Mrs.Claus may join us Christmas eve, to hand out Christmas stockings.

Hidden wrapped gifts will be brought out Christmas Day at our home
& each one will be opened or torn into with gusto. With just us.

There are many meaningful gift exchanges in our large family gatherings.
The emptiness under the tree was filled with love. That is where all the cousins often lay baby Jesus in his manger, under the tree.
"Because the star led the wise men to Jesus, they had gifts too."

All this to say I am so looking forward to all of this laughter, life & love.
~ Jesus' Birth
& the whole journey to now, is the reason we celebrate Christmas.~

festive gifts :: give love away

2011-12-04T14:04:00.000-07:00

It’s that time of year again when I really look back & see how peace continues to grow throughout the year.

To Family :: holding hands, watching each other take turns when someone has a new dance move, or instrument to play, listening to music together, singing, morning talks all piled on the couch (even when there is morning breath filling the air), sharing hugs, long walks, baking, adding salt when the meal needs flavour, decorating, crafts, co-operation, folding socks for all those toes….

In Unity :: friendship, kindness, having a meal together, thankful prayers. words of appreciation, community, achievements through working together, embracing and celebrating differences.

With Hope :: new beginnings, plans for the future, New Year resolutions, nurturing creativity or ideas, sowing seeds of hope.

Abundant Giving :: the joy of giving a smile, giving time, giving thought, giving a helping hand, giving meals.

Overall Gratitude :: in events, triumphs, challenges, importance of love, belonging, continuity, history, values.

Remembrances :: recollections of family or events from the past and their significance in the present, highlights of the previous year's events.

"The Joy of the Lord Is Your Strength" (Nehemiah 8:10)

What I'm working on Today

2011-12-02T12:02:00.000-07:00

Reading: a blog Habit

Knitting: a new pattern for Winter Solstice.

Learning: routine & walks are part of our weekdays together.

Wishing: you a Monday full of gratitudes.

November 30: Three wonderful things that happened this month.

2011-11-30T20:14:00.001-07:00

{one}

Dear Missy,
I have had 4 balls of yarn that You handed me on the last day in the Hills before venturing to the other side of our Country. If I may admit that the spontaneity did not take effect again until this last month. But I remembered watching the girls play in their tunics and had thoughts about knitting up something cozy again..for 3 dear friends of yours.
This little green ball knit a cowl, for Karyn.
& This little cream ball knit a gift for Gianna.

While these 2 green rovings of yarn rolled all the way into a beautiful sweater for Sadie.
They were given along with an explanation that you-Missy, passed them along. I am happy that your lovely friends can wear them now.
Love Alicia

{two}

A tea party, hosted by the wonderful, Sheila. Which in turn led to numerous connections we have together in this very small world.

The Tea House became a home away from ours. A place to spend precious moments with Karyn. All the while enjoying tea, savory meals, knitting for hours & visiting with friends.

{three}

The moment I realized that this stored up energy can be released with gusto.
for myself
for family
for friends.

A call for community was understood clearly, & we joined in an American Thanksgiving potluck feast.

{30 Days Hath November.
Thank you, for following along.}

Day 29: Someplace I'd like to visit.

2011-11-29T18:04:00.001-07:00

Paris, France.
I would like to visit all the while during the New Year celebrations. A slow encounter, taking it all in. Strolling the streets. Sitting for awhile to savor an espresso. People watching. Visiting friends who would take tours throughout the historic sites. The sights, sounds, & experiences in and around this idea are enticing!

Day 28: Skills I would like to learn.

2011-11-28T13:18:00.000-07:00

{sewing & embroidery}
Just a couple of skills that I want to learn. I've inherited my Grandmother's sewing machines & look forward to learning how to utilize them creatively. Although there is bound to be many trials. I would like to follow in the artistic footsteps of friends that have a keen sense & an eye for these crafts.

Day 27: Myself, one year ago.

2011-11-27T09:44:00.000-07:00

September 2010.

December 2010.

Today I am reminded of written words for the New Year.
One word :: Hope.
To trust that within the air is - Your Hands - that will catch me.

"Tomorrow is only a day away and I pray for strength right now."

Day 26: Something I am looking forward to

2011-11-26T13:38:00.000-07:00

Our Little Town is opening a General Market this year. I'm looking forward to knitting with a friend, hopefully sharing a table, & meeting more faces from in & around our Community.

Day 25: The contents of my bag.

2011-11-25T17:35:00.001-07:00

I mentioned the contents of my favorite mini bag are constantly changing. Today you would find all this contained as we headed out for a daily walk.

- 2 cup sleeves for hot or cold drinks.
- comb, hair elastic & hairpins
- 2 bracelets & 2 earrings
- 2 pairs of extra polkadot underwear for 2 girls :)
- iPhone
- hand sanitizer
- 10 fiddly doodads for eager hands.
- loose change, bills,
& cardholder (not pictured)
- 2 nail clippers
- 2 lip balms
- keys

This is the miniature version, when I am alone with all 4 children, we all pack our own bags for outings. Mine just holds the tried & true little needs for the day.

What's in your bag?

Day 24: Something that means a lot to me.

2011-11-24T16:34:00.000-07:00

{Quiet time}
You may find me walking throughout town.
Or driving to the city.

You may see me sitting by myself (reading, knitting or writing..) while the busy-ness of our home plays out around me.

The very essence of quiet time while everyone is away or sleeping, grounds me. I am thoughtful, with clarity. Life's pace slows down.
Sometimes emotions that have buried seeds throughout the day or week, begin to water..

Other times the inspiration is there to move my words away from thoughts
& into a meaningful post.
Let your own quiet times dear friends, be stillness. All there for the peace of your own moments. The writing on your hearts.

Day 23: Eight things you didn't know about me.

2011-11-23T20:22:00.001-07:00

1. I had 2 pet tarantulas, a pet pig, and a chicken when I was a kid.

2. I was born with 3 thumbs.

3. I wanted to be a forest ranger, live in a treehouse and raise 8 kids as a career option.

4. I performed live theatre for 5 seasons (Fame, Glass Menagerie, monologues...) & passed up an opportunity to go to New York.

5. I have never left North America.

6. When I'm nervous or anxious I count in patterns.

7. I have a crazy fear of bats. They make my skin crawl flying by in the night.

8. In the summertime I still skinny dip (day or night) in lakes, for fun!

Day 22: Some place I've travelled.

2011-11-22T19:48:00.001-07:00

November 21: Something I could never tire of.

2011-11-21T17:01:00.000-07:00

quiet reflections

music.

finding inspiration.

{ endless list of gratitudes }

November 20: A childhood anecdote.

2011-11-20T08:20:00.000-07:00

One day while I was babysitting my sister & brother we went on a hike.
In the backyard.
Hours flew by as we explored acres and acres of backwoods.
We finally got to the train tracks but it was fenced to protect the neighbors' dairy cows & random wild animals.
We turned back to go home because there was another forest on the other side. No one else normally came that far into the woods.
Thinking we were lost, after exploring a bit on our way home, we stopped to play in the largest mud pit we had ever seen.
It was piled high.
We just got right in there and played until the sun started to go down.
Mom asked us where we had gone, when we arrived home finally,
& we had no reasonable explanation.
So we just shared about the huge mud pile. She laughed and asked if that was what she could smell as she went out back to grab a hose. We found out from her that the farm on the south side was planning to fertilize their massive field & the trucks had not loaded up yet.
The mud was manure!!

Day 19: A silly self-portrait.

2011-11-19T17:17:00.000-07:00

They were both mine. Indecisiveness at its finest. Shared the drinks & laughs with a friend.

Day 18: What I wore today.

2011-11-18T17:10:00.000-07:00

Day 17: My Family

2011-11-17T23:37:00.000-07:00

Day 16: Someone who inspires me.

2011-11-16T10:43:00.000-07:00

She sits across from me and watches my face as I try to not conceal all that has happened. A friend & a mother who has cried and longed for my safety.
I break.
Even though this has happened too many years ago.
She waits.
This woman that fought years to stay in love, within a long full life.
& I unleash that which has lay claim on my heart & mind.
She inspires me to learn from my inner strength. To lead ahead in confidence, silently but with purpose.
As my own mother leaves the house, bidding farewell in her most concerned voice, she states:
"Our life was hard, I'm sorry you were born."
It always falls on the ears of pain. Scorching another tender moment.
I began to know their every move, every strike against me and still I stood my ground.
If they were going to knock me down, I was going to stand back up.
I learned this. How to face my fear; from someone who inspires me, who chose to listen, who taught me how to pray.
So I slowly start, as the words tumble straight ahead.. they gain momentum.

Day 15: Some style inspiration for the season.

2011-11-15T19:28:00.000-07:00

I have to admit that I lack in style inspiration, whether it's decorating, designing interior, new hairstyles or even clothes. Pinterest captures my attention when it draws me to Fall/Winter styles.

& the main eye catching themes for me: Boots.

November 14, 2011

2011-11-14T23:11:00.000-07:00

& Today he is 12.
Happy Birthday Asher!

Day 14: A favorite movie.

2011-11-14T19:19:00.001-07:00

With the platinum edition gift from last Christmas & many late nights babysitting years ago, I have probably watched this movie more times than my age.

"Nobody puts Baby in the corner."

Day 13: Something I am proud of.

2011-11-13T16:34:00.000-07:00

Writing, perfecting that which I knit for friends & family. One day I will stock up & start a store. Though, right now I am enjoying the freedom to invest time whenever, in the next projects. Knit purl knit :)

Day 12: Three blogs I can't get enough of.

2011-11-12T16:02:00.000-07:00

I eagerly read all the fast pace moves of blogs that I follow; from inspiring friends, on my blog-roll to your left.
<--------
May I introduce you to 3 new blogs added for their writers distinct personalities and eclectic lives they portray in writing & pictures.

Megan @ Sorta Crunchy

Kate @ Foxs Lane

Alicia @ Milagro Girl

Day 11: Something I've been craving.

2011-11-11T23:11:00.000-07:00

The mountains. Clouds that loom over the peaks. The familiar wafts that travel with gusts of wind. Walking paths, hiking trails. & water.

November 10: What I love about my job.

2011-11-10T16:31:00.001-07:00

{A view from here}

Today I am..

:: marveling at a welcomed Chinook. The sun shining, & the wind blowing.

:: laughing at the daily quirks about *my job*.

:: overwhelmed, just a little bit, at the sudden mountain of snow gear this week-for six, at my back door.

:: pleasantly surprised by how perfect new knitted gifts are for my friends.

:: wondering what project to finish, next.

:: grateful for long naps, quiet hours to finish tasks, warmer days & moments to sip coffee.

:: hearing that a big Birthday is right around the corner. I cannot believe 12 years have flown by.

:: going to do my very best to resist more Birthday cupcakes this weekend.

:: planning more balanced meals for the week.

:: enjoying all the mentions of slow cooker breakfasts. For those cozy early mornings.

:: knitting, planning events, paying bills, shopping for holiday outfits all while I sit over quiet time with her, and listen to humming & small singing.

:: listening to Mylo Xyloto, Frou Frou, Delirium, & Sarah.

:: saying goodbye to Fall from the view of my drivers seat. Road trip.

:: being rushed by new projects, big and small.

:: happy to be more spontaneous, these days.

:: waiting for a delicious meal to come out of the oven.

:: being inspired to go out for a haircut.

:: wishing you all a wonderful long weekend.

Day 9: A close-up of my day.

2011-11-09T20:40:00.001-07:00

The day started with a very favorite story reading.
An early morning gathering of women embracing moments together.

After school, in an attempt for a more peaceful approach to the evening, I paused with him (who will be 12). These times are comforting. He shows me the new layout for his bedroom. Shares ideas for jobs & birthday wishes.

Though he is drawing & writing, he is also taking time to look me in the eye ever so sincerely. "Mom, remember when I always looked down and away? I like making eye contact now, we have the same eyes."

& throughout the day taking snippets of time to work on this sweater.. being so very close to the finishing stitches.

Day 8: The last item I purchased.

2011-11-08T18:21:00.001-07:00

Over the last months, the daily walks to town have become cooler as the winter chill sets in. I have been thoughtful of how I could dress more efficiently for being outside, during the colder months.
Boots, check.
Layers & accessories, covered.
Something was still missing..
A full layer to wear over, under, or all by itself.
So about an hour ago {after a lot of online second guessing}
I purchased another layer, just for me.
Live Simply Jacket.

Day 7: A song for the day.

2011-11-07T08:40:00.000-07:00

This song is so beautiful,
Makes me Dream.
.
Scores of songs went through my head this morning, but not along with the right video: to capture the moments.. the memories.
This one still brings it all back.

Day 6: A book I am reading.

2011-11-06T10:36:00.001-07:00

These days I am spending a lot of my 'just a little extra' time knitting.
Right now :: 2 books are catching my attention.
More last minute gifts.
It has become an inspiration for the handmade giving season.
& one thousand gifts.
Many have read this journey of thankfulness, of grace.. countless gratitudes. I am slowly embracing the words, her writing gently teaches how to slow down, turning pain into soul poetry.
Trusting God all through the moments.

Day 5: Three years ago today.

2011-11-05T09:46:00.001-06:00

We were enjoying a family gathering celebrating Azaelea's First Birthday.

Day 4: A friend who I adore.

2011-11-04T08:10:00.001-06:00

Tonight again I watch the western skies. The wind blowing sweet wishes of peace & well being to my friend, whom I adore. Holly.

She is part of memories that dance through my mind often daily.
Children lost in daydreaming about tomorrow, inside jokes, & endless adventures.

I think of her a lot & have wanted to write more, but am overwhelmed sometimes by feelings of.. how could I express the impact of our friendship?

The years are slowly floating by again in wait. She has held each one of our children, rocked them, loved them & invited us to grow within her family.. & I still wait to meet her two little girls.

When we were little & both had matching pigtails, I needed to know that her family was close. The months of each year where I would try to tell her my secrets, the only ways a little girl knew how, left me aching from the truth.

She was the only friend who witnessed my terror.
Read my eyes that urged her to.. run!
& she was the only one who could run home to the safety of her own home, to her parents.

When the heartbreak of losing all of my hair to a bowl cut happened, she would give me her favorite doll to hold, while I sobbed.
& then hold my hand and gently encourage me, "give it time, your hair will grow back."

The snow falls gently, watching the tender flakes, each unique in their intricate designs.
I breathe softly, memories of her.

She knocked on my door ever so timidly, all those (28 years) ago. The days were cold, brisk & I could barely feel my fingers or face as we struggled to pile wood, providing the only warmth of a child's version-prehistoric house.

"Do you want some hot chocolate?" Holly would ask.
"Yes Please!" My Sister & I would reply in unison.

I could feel her watching us as we piled that wood for hours after school, & all I wanted to do was play with dolls or hear stories read by her mom. If we were quiet as mice her Dad would let us tiptoe around the store & watch as customers came in for building supplies & rentals.

Dear Holly,
You have inspired me over the years with your gifts.
Memories of you remind me of this life that I live in the here and now,
how far I have come.
I love you.

♥ Alicia

Day 3: Something I never leave the house without.

2011-11-03T08:56:00.001-06:00

Mini Sushisha bag. A well loved companion to hold it all.
Beautifully unique & handmade by .three.acorns.
Its perfect, the mini version of the original! I try to have the sushisha bag along with me everywhere. It holds all the needs for quick outings, long walks, & fiddly needs that the children ask for. Including but not limited to: strings, hair ties, lip balm, phone, wallet, loose change, extra underwear, pens, kleenex, scraps of paper, pins, mementos..
Something about driving solo.. There is a lot of time to think, process & just be able to have alone time. When I head to the city by myself for a few hours, it sits on the passenger seat so I have ready access to anything within it. It is also my little companion for quick stops & rearview mirror self portraits. (I am a little camera shy).

Day 2: Three inspirational quotes

2011-11-02T09:11:00.001-06:00

Everything will be alright. That's Life when you're a pebble on the beach with no suntan lotion. {anonymous}

In the silent times : seek God

In the painful times : praise God

In the harried times : hallow God

and in the terrible times : trust God.

And at all times — at all times –
Thank God. {Ann Voskamp}

You have never really lived until you have done something for someone who can never repay you. {announcement}

November 1: Self Portrait

2011-11-01T14:01:00.001-06:00

Today I am thankful for ::

•new beginnings
•gratitudes
•family celebrations
•remembrance
•spontaneity
•long walks
•chocolate chai lattes
•Movember

Taking this ideal time to follow along & join in a new month series :: over at So Fawned..

A Prelude: Streams In The Desert

2011-10-21T13:50:00.001-06:00

Click Here: For Listening

A prelude post: written by Karyn. With a transparency that reverberated such as a waterfall, lifting the veil within my own heart and soul. Thank you.

I have been pondering the rainless desert for a couple of weeks, remembering how the earth - pounded by the relentless sun - starts to fragment, the little chips of dried clay curling upward imploringly, like a prayer.

Funny how fragment and fragile can seem so connected ...

Then at night the blistering heat can be replaced by the gusty cold, winds whipping the sand into the cracks where it chafes the raw cuts and gouges deeper. This savage change in temperature is a result of the extremely low level of precipitation which doesn't provide a cushion from the heat in the day, and which also allows the heat to escape very easily in the night.

Freezing ...

All creation groaning.

Waiting.

Hear the crunching of the parched land as it's trodden underfoot. Picture a thousand tiny fingers of earth being snapped by the steps of an unwitting passerby.

Fractured ...

There are animals that inhabit the desert, timid creatures that know no other life but to scrabble for their needs, to protect themselves and those that belong to them from the elements and to keep a weather eye out for danger. Meerkats, for example, always have a couple of their number on sentry duty at any given time.

Frightened ...

When you're in the desert you avert your eyes for fear that they will land on a mirage and you'll be given false hope. You view your surroundings through your peripheral vision because the intensity of facing them head on is too great.

Frantic ...

And then, when you think you can go on no more - when the pain and the loneliness and the disorientation seem to have reached their nadir - you spot a tiny, flame-coloured flower, peeking shyly from amidst the scrub.

"There is unexpected beauty here," the blossom whispers to you. "In this desolate place you can find peace and restoration if you know how to look, if you know how to listen."

"But I need water!" you whimper, wringing your hands. "There's no water here!"

"I'm here," the flower responds. "There are streams in the desert in the most unlikely places. You'll come across them at the most unexpected moments. Do what you do each day. They'll be revealed to you and your frail soul will find relief."

And so you do what you do. You knit. You love your children. You create beauty with your husband and you allow yourself to accept his adoration. You minister to others through a word, a song, a hug, a tiny blue elephant. You reach out with what little strength you have left.

Your groans add to the chorus of all creation's, waiting ...

Travail ...

You start to delight in the minute: a tiny green shoot here, a flittering butterfly there, a small glass of water offered in His name, a sick child who sleeps through one night.

Small mercies.

Transition ...

And you start to notice fine silver threads of water in some of the indentations of the earth. Not a river by any means; but after all, this is a desert and a stream is enough to sustain you when your tongue cleaves to the roof of your mouth. You drink greedily from the source, cupping your hand to dam the flow and scoop up enough for a mouthful.

Then with both your hands cupped together you carry some of the precious elixir to the flame-coloured flower, to the shoot which seems to have grown a little.

And you start to achieve a sort of peace, a sort of rest. The desert is becoming your abode. You wonder when it started to change, when it started to be less severe, less forbidding.

But the truth is, the desert has not changed; it is you who are learning to abide in the place in which you find yourself, you who are growing and stretching and accommodating and shrinking and contracting and setting boundaries to knit this strange beauty into the pattern of the cloak you will wrap around you for protection and for comfort.

As you journey through the desert you find that the once-feared desert in turn has become your sanctuary in this period of your life. And as you follow the trickle of water you discover that the stream will lead you through the desert to a river that swells and flows stronger with gathering force until it cascades into a mighty waterfall that thunders over the rocks and into the deep pool waiting to receive it.

Triumph ...

And you will understand that you were not alone as you sojourned through the desert: your good shepherd was there all along, protecting and shielding you until in his perfect time he leads you beside still waters to restore your soul.

Tranquility.

Celebrating 60

2011-10-18T09:21:00.001-06:00

I watch the way you greet us, with hands out to embrace us. I have done this for years and always smile in my memory.

Our relationship: between You and I, over the last years, has worn in like lessons learned well, shoes walked miles in. What I have not said in more ways than 1 is:

Thank you for being my Dad.

You smile as the children run into the corners of your home, yard, & space. All the while they're trying still to make you laugh or show you proudly something they have created.
Thank you for always letting them, it

Speaks volumes to my soul.

I remember the first time we met in Chinook mall.
Too shy, happy & nervous, that here Daryl's family was all together, & I got to be a part of the festivities.

A Father you have been to my
Heart since that very day.
All families have Stories.
For some, such as myself, they carry truckloads of baggage.
I am sorry for my part in not sharing more about my life & I hope that this keeps paving ahead, as I become braver.

Thank you for helping to make the journey home shorter, & lighter. Loving wholeheartedly when it was time to celebrate our marriage. & the wisdom, courage and heaps of love you now share with (y)our (grand)children.
Happy Birthday, Celebrating 60 years!!

I love you, Dad.

Alicia

Creating a habit

2011-10-16T21:24:00.001-06:00

I unravel sweaters to re-knit almost every time. Notes aside, if the sweater is not perfect, I start all over again.

It is an artful expression from deep within. Taking time for every little stitch, to be well thought through & presented with ease.

When my Grandma first showed
me how to hold the needles, we
would sit across from each other. Her right hand strong, my lefthand dominating.
To knit one scarf: Took over 7 years. & then over again as I tried to learn the
Art well.

As we waited by Grandma's side those last days of her full life, I would knit..for hours. Though she was right there & I by the bedside. The knitting brought those last hours of
Peace within our time.
Around & around we turn the full cycle, merry go round in life. No one knows how the inner workings of a brain works but as I found out today: being an ISFP personality suits these aspects just as a fine tuned piano.

Over the next weeks I am inviting Daryl to join me, to accompany my words with his own music. We will start on his Birthday. October 21. The day we met 16 years ago.
I am honored that he will be here in this space with me. If you know him, this expression is as much kept to the private inner workings of his life as the music that flows through to compose his Own piece.
The idea for this season is a reflection of
Traveling light..er.

Planting memory seeds

2011-10-14T09:48:00.000-06:00

Today, in memory of lost little footprints, I want to take another day to enjoy building childhood memories.

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.

Psalm 139

What if..

2011-10-02T09:20:00.001-06:00

I had a nightmare once that I woke up with only my supper from the night before.
Sitting at the table staring at day old perogies, with nothing to be thankful for now..
What if I woke up without the children I have watched grow every day, some hours feeling like eternity.
Without the husband, who is a strong devoted, faithful father. Who I argue with sometimes.
Without the house, with the comfy furniture.
& the table that occasionally has a meal that almost everyone would rather not eat.
Without the bed that I have tossed & turned in and sometimes curse at how uncomfortable the pillow is, or loud the snoring is.
Without the mounds of food waiting for me to cook, even when I second guess my abilities.
There are more than a million things, or acts we can be thankful for.
When our neighbors are waking up from earthquakes, tsunamis, landslides, floods: They are praising the Lord for life.
Soldiers are not returning, leaving hearts aching.
Children are being stolen, tearing apart the consciousness & causing insanity that no parent should ever have to fathom.
Homes are being repossessed, leaving families homeless. Domestic violence is continuing, creating memories that torment children for a lifetime.
Stories being told of hidden lives, burning histories & daily grace.
What if we just woke up everyday..

7!

2011-09-29T15:40:00.000-06:00

Dear Kai ::
Love you to the universe & back!
7 years has gone by too quickly. Celebrating you in your spunky, & even quiet ways is what made your day a treasure to remember. Happy Birthday!

Red 'Elvis' Cupcakes & Moments

2011-09-08T16:36:00.001-06:00

A Cakery road trip.

Delicioso!

Big brother Puppet show
-5 little Monkey's

First day of School.
Who's more excited?!

Last days of Camping, sun & rafting.

Bubbling the afternoon away.

New friends

Favorite tea time

Making our own.

A walk to remember

The best days are now.
& I am thankful for sweet friends who pray, love truly & see us near or far with gifts to give away.

All content smiles, of knowing this life is well loved.

August Journeys

2011-09-04T10:59:00.001-06:00

She had been suffering UTI's
& a kidney infection for months. We travelled to the Alberta Childrens Hospital a few times & were waiting for results..
all Summer.

The events of Summer included many road trips, & late nights. We laughed a lot, lived for the days & loved well into the nights.

As the month of August moved on; Azaelea began to show signs
of weakness in her legs, lethargy, dehydration
& the bubbly personality waned as she chose to be quiet, cuddled, rocked & sang to.

Then the fevers began to be consistent. Every night we would hear her cries as she woke to a fever of 104-107.
Always subsiding by morning, without any drugs.
One morning after many over the phone consults, we opted to not
give her the maintenance low dose antibiotics.
& the fever lasted 12 hours..
As worried parents we decided to band together along with teamwork from the nursing staff, we admitted her for 2 days in our local General Hospital.
They took urine, cultures, blood, (all twice) & she stayed on a IV the entire time.
After 54 hours on her IV, we waited for the approval to discharge her.
Choosing the better route (for us) to wait for further signs at
Home.
Our interim Dr. Agreed that if there were any worse
Symptoms to follow up at the ACH.

Today after 3 whole
Days of September.
No accidents or
Fevers.

She is back to her dancing, giddy, doll carrying, friend loving, singing self.
Azaelea is going through the motions everyday & growing stronger. We're moved by our community of praying family.
Though we have absolutely no clues as of yet, your support speaks volumes to us.

Thank you All, with Love!

Only you know

2011-08-27T21:02:00.002-06:00

Before you read this: I can tell you this is for you.. but only you know this for sure.

Behind her eyes she found a safe place.
Longing deep
striving quick.
Promising to keep the many vows of a little girls heart
forever.
Gasp now.
The dive down deep has hurt your heart.

This time

..too many times..
you have not reached the floor bed of the water.
Engulfing your true being.
Catching a glimpse of the young you.

There waiting.

For the letter you wrote her.
The vows you kept long ago.
She is waiting for confirmation.
In the long last draws of breath.
Within the water.
Where we breath fresh, in the air.
There you catch a glimpse of the look
in her eyes.

Only you knew.

Who Knew
how long?

When the ice would start to melt.
The years where you skated over the dreams,
that lay frozen in an ice capped memory.
In the sky there were no limits.
The happy endings always came true.

Along the starry nights
when the lines were drawn
& the cracks began to show.
A decade
or 2
have seeped through.
A year here
a reoccurring dream there.

How does it write deep on your soul?

She knew.
You knew.
Who knew?
Only you.

Little truths,
simple & catching,
drew on the strength of bigger truths.
Building a strong foundation.
These bigger truths that consumed took apart into shattered remnants.
What was left
is all the simplicity of knowing the next steps, will be built.
In writing.

A Wednesday treasure.

2011-08-24T19:44:00.001-06:00

A new ring to celebrate:
the many years remembered, behind us now.
& the many more ahead
.... to be continued.

Wandering moments on Wednesday

2011-07-27T18:10:00.001-06:00

Break the rain

2011-07-21T00:11:00.001-06:00

Waiting for the rain to break
& the sun to shine.
When it's best to grasp the positive joys of the days.
If we can still laugh
when the hours are long
& the sanity is thrown out the window, then it's less of a funk
& more of a double rainbow.

What is dead may be dormant, and what is barren may be about to bear, and wild things can somehow find a way to bloom. ~Ann Voskamp

Summer craft wishes

2011-07-03T17:19:00.001-06:00

When I looked through our craft closet this week it was very evident that we have had more focus on yarns and paper this year. So many trinkets and soon to be crafts are waiting to be made. So with the help of pinterest, I will share some ideas!

Painting. & this one was found hiding away with lost treasures.

Earrings made from upcycled leather. The middles could be a soft crochet line or beaded.

Crochet rings. The backs could be soft leather.

Too fun & cute. I can just imagine the kids ideas with these.

Just the leather scraps with a few beads mixed in.

Necklace made with little rocks, a charm & soft feathers.

I had my first spontaneous lake swim of the Summer today! Exhilarating.

Fathers Day Card

2011-06-19T00:25:00.001-06:00

"You're going to be a dad"
The words they felt as liquid gold, for the very first time pouring out of me, speaking softly into the phone.
Stop thinking, it will happen all too fast.
The months of waiting.
Loss & gain.
Tears
then regaining hope.
Fresh memories awash the here & now.
First cries fill the room of delivery
& we know.
Together.
This is the beginning of forever.
Years they pass just through a sieve, as I watch each child grow from being in your arms,
nursed by me,
into full board steam ahead.
Ready to take the world by storm.
Times 4.
A baby, toddler, preschooler, elementary..to be continued.
Remembering when the oldest could rest in the crook of your arm.
Asleep in the bliss of your strength, your comfort.
Each one meets the world and watches you.
You who is quiet and assured. Who questions beyond the questions.
Thankfulness comes in waves, yet storms bring in Aftermath too.

For the dreams that shape as the years go by.
The moments when you know this is: "hey! I can do it."
One day at a time.
The children run to you with cards.
With words.
All sharing that which is,
Music to my ears.
Daddy.
You.

Who I Am

2011-06-13T15:39:00.001-06:00

A Child and then a Mother.

Who can watch my children every moment of everyday and hope for more.

A Woman and then a Wife.

Who can say to my husband that he is steadfast, and believe wholeheartedly that he is.

A student and then a teacher.

Hopefully to myself first, and then to my children.

A listener and then a friend.

Keeping words that feel so sacred, and yet so very healing.

A moment and then a lifetime.

Waiting.

Prayers are hoped for.

Words are spoken.

Dreams are lingering, and words are written.

Behind the walls you find me hoping.

There are ones who believe they will see through it one day.

Who will find the cracks in the foundation.

Praying that each day, will bring a new discovery.

That I will know that there is no end to free love.

While the waves wash over the ridges smoothing visible scars
Time flows

My sons hug and my daughter smiles.

My Husband comes along side and watches the world with a different view.

In all this life there is a sigh of relief that all that is now is
grace.

Inner Child

2011-05-19T16:53:00.001-06:00

Precious gems are everywhere in the cosmos
and inside of every one of us.

I want to offer a handful to you, my dear friend.
Yes, this morning, I want to offer a handful to you,
A handful of diamonds that glow from morning to evening.
Each minute of our daily life is a diamond that contains sky
and earth,
sunshine and river.

We only need to breathe gently for the miracle to be revealed:
Birds singing, flowers blooming.

Here is the blue sky, here is the white cloud floating,
Your lovely look, your beautiful smile.
All these are contained in one jewel.

You who are the richest person on Earth
And behave like a destitute child,
Please come back to your heritage.

Let us offer each other happiness and learn to
Dwell in the present moment.
Let us cherish life in our two arms
And let go of our forgetfulness and despair.

-Thich Nhat Hanh

Silence

2011-05-03T19:17:00.001-06:00

Deep within the archives

2011-04-18T21:27:00.001-06:00

Let your dreams rise up like the sun in the morning
with it's fierce heat warming the earth.
A thankful prayer for the land that is lost
in a whirlwind of deep freeze moments.
Ice crystals falling.
Hard & fast
yet with the quick wit that we know it will go away.
To flourish with green..one day.. one day.

Years have passed and still I bear the scars of the lies, untold truths.
What was once lost was my childhood wonder.
Innocence beyond the imaginary friends.
Beyond the belief that some one is there to protect
to believe in me.
Start point.
Counseling.
5 years.
Still questions.

Its been awhile since I revisited
Fears, Frustration and lack of Trust.
What I want to say to those insecurities that creep out of the dark
take me in the middle of the day
then again in the deep slumber of my early hours of sleep
is this

I am 10, 20, 30 years older now.
I have the Gospel
& Jesus has my back.
There is no place for any of these untruths in my life!

Each of my sons need to know that as men they will be needed.
Called on for their strength, their fierce dignity, the respect of another individual.
& then caring for their wives and children.

My daughter needs to believe that her true being was designed to always have an inner beauty.
So treasured that it will be drawn out by those that want to seek the mystery of her.
She will be a woman and then a wife, and will one day hopefully Mother children.
Her years will tell many stories.
Of hope and redemption.

My Husband is someone that I long to know. every. day.
I want to be apart of his great adventure, as his bride.

These nightmares that lie to me, in some ways I hang on to them as memories. That was long ago when I needed someone so close and had no way of reaching out, to accept any of the kind gestures.
I faked happiness
masked sorrow very well.
I believed that there was no one who delighted in my joy
as I leaped into their arms.
no one.
The ache that was left, filled with Grace.
My soul. I am here. weeping. Day after day my aches subside.

Deep within the archives are peace filled Whispers.
"Are you ready to give it all up?
Well then, Hallelujah! Now God can take over."

Dear Lord, I will continue to live my life, praying, but unless you take over I will just continue to stumble. Please be my strength and help me rest peacefully. I know that You are for me, throughout this journey of life. I praise you for continuing to hold a light on my life, so that in turn instead of carrying my own burdens..
You take them away. Amen.

#417

Since last we turned the page

2011-04-04T10:16:00.001-06:00

When I was a child, music flowed through my mind as soft and curly as an August wind. If I heard it in the trees, the swaying and swishing would transport me to the hills, where we would feel free to roll in the grass. Then begin to spin with the floating dandelion fluff. If I pressed my ear to the ground I would imagine little fairies that may fly high out from their homes in the blades of grass. Walking through the forests we would have a lightness in our step as we played hide and seek behind brush, leaves and evergreen forts.
There are moments when we recreate that feeling, the emotion behind our child like imagination. I am forever grateful for those treasures that were planted as seeds in time.

*remembering summer dances

*laying in the grass bathed in sun.
*playing in innocence
*twirling
*August wind
*inside forts
*tree forts
*clubhouses
*trampolines
*imagination
*hours flying by
*purple playdoh
*peanut butter press down cookies
*11 year old ideas
*9 year old dreams
*6 year old ambitions
*3 year old stories
*34 year old goals
*Years together
*seeing the ocean like an old friend
*precious lost time
*gaining speed and running with creativity
*Sunday siestas snuggling soundly

This Moment Lasts

2011-03-25T10:51:00.001-06:00

Music & bread go hand in hand.
Lots of music is being played &
created here at our home.
A new love of making bread from
scratch & by hand has started up.
A concert in the making!
The creative hands that a flow music.
I believe my children are enjoying
this groove in our life,
& so am I.

One Beautiful Life

2011-03-21T16:50:00.002-06:00

Today is World Down Syndrome Day.
A fantastic time to share a grand giveaway on Krista's blog:

http://kristadawne.blogspot.com/2011/03/giveaway-for-world-down-syndrome-day.html

How can we give abundantly?
We ask ourselves how we can change the mindset of the world?
I believe one way is by joining with family, friends and strangers that have the information to move forward, and give gifts that will make a world of difference in so many lives.
Offer hope where there is waiting and sorrow. Pray for forever homes!
My friend Krista has signed up to be an Advocate for Reese's Rainbow. Reese's Rainbow promotes the international adoption of children with Down syndrome. Krista has a precious little daughter with down syndrome, Ella.

I would love to support Krista in her effort to raise funds to offer a forever home for Bennett.
Krista is an amazing advocate for these beautiful children.
By raising money to offer adoption grants on waiting children;
Reese's Rainbow is able to give adoptive families the extra financial help they need, to bring a child with Down syndrome home, from a miserable existence in overseas orphanages, and institutions.
To Celebrate World Down Syndrome Day.
Click on the link to read her blog.
She is offering fantastic incentives to win!
Giving abundantly even when we have only little.
Though we have hope, when others do not.
Small donations all add up tremendously.
Krista has risen the bar of awareness so we can raise even more and unite Bennett with his forever family soon.
Thank you for reading and considering this.

Today Celebrate World Down Syndrome Day March 21, 2011!
3 copies of the 21st chromosome makes amazing people!

http://kristadawne.blogspot.com/2011/03/giveaway-for-world-down-syndrome-day.html

New Years Eve

2011-03-20T22:57:00.000-06:00

Red Doors

2011-03-19T16:11:00.001-06:00

Opening the many red doors that happen when we take risks.
Joining creativity together,
with the fusions of friendships.
This trip away was a sense of quieting, within my heart.
A joy in new discoveries.
& a renewed hope in the next chapters.
The days past poetically with rapid speed,
yet the trip needed to end.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder both near & far..

Welcome home ~ Welcome memories ~ 178 <> 240

:: with my eyes*
I saw a girl having a tea party
through pictures.
*With a 'missing you' look in her eyes.

*Genuine smiles.

*Family on a spontaneous Skype night
that pull out all the stops to chat & entertain.

:: with my ears*
I heard the voices of my family
through the miles.

*New sounds created from the mouth of a baby boy.
*Playing with him each day as we watched him grow.

*The giggles of a little girl chasing her puppy around the home.
*Then in pausing, she hugged gently
& whispered she was beautiful.

:: with my tastes*
*Fresh Atlantic lobsters.
*Experienced sushi made with fish caught fresh within hours.
*Delighted in fresh homemade banana beggars..a few times.

:: I shared insightful moments with friends*
that I have had the honor of knowing for years.
*Deep meaningful moments shared.. all gracious.

*Watched a beautiful moment as she tried on the hand-knit sweater for her, then again with more friends.

*Resting on a moss covered rock with ducks
surrounding the ripples of stillwater lake.

*Listened to locals talking about life, weather & work.
*Watched children with their parents indulge in donuts.
*They were covered and sticky
& were as happy as anyone has ever been.

*Drove the countryside.

*Visited the ocean.

*We walked in busy traffic within a quiet neighborhood.

*I lived for the day.

*Wrote many pages.

*I dreamed time away.

*Stretched distance as far as I could go.

*Breathed in peacefully.

*Softly touched all kinds of malabrigo yarns.

*I've seen many days of snow, of rain...it drizzled on down.

*When the sun came out, we could see the bay through the trees.

*Explored the streets of Halifax.

*Videoed random areas that captured my attention.

*Listened to fine tuned advice, from the managers of Starbucks,
a postal worker
& knitters that spin at yarn shops.

*These snippets also captured moments to join in multitudes on Mondays.

Fireplaces**Cedar**Trees
*Chapters
Red*
*Curls
Daylight**Savings**Time
Start points*
*Long walks
Solitary day trips**Finding my way
*Friendly help offering phone numbers
Fishermen*
*Shipyards**Bridges
*Dharma Toro Sushi
Clock Towers*
*Argyle
Fresh snow**Branches
Friends who unconditionally love through the miles here & there.*
*Video & Photo opportunities
Running in the rain with lobsters.*

Wings ready & wide open

2011-03-06T09:02:00.001-07:00

Still waiting for one last moment to open up.
Still trying to wrap my mind around this.
This time.
This moment.
A gift

& then it all happened.
The doors close behind them
waving goodbye
still misty eyes.

Bye for now
see you later.
Take my hand one more time
it will be awhile.

Love you long time.

*108 <> 177*

*Waving**Hearts knit together
*Paint**Warm sweater dresses
*Stitched Slings**Socks
*Jumping dresses**Purple colors

*Farmer's Markets**Lunenburg, NS
*Mahone Bay**Public Gardens
*Wool Shops**Writing
*Reading**Kindred Friends
*New Babies**Family
*Brown eyes**Blue Eyes

*Cheese**Rawthentic Chocolate
*Dill**Maple Wine
*Jost Vineyards**Gluten free banana beggars
*Swing needles**Loft cafes
*Highland wool**Books

*Standby flights**Planes
*Airports**CSA
*Cell phones**WiFi**3G**Waiting
*Sunny nooks**Napping**Guest beds
*Fresh snow**Warm weather**Walkabouts
*Lakeside picnics**Inspiration
*Text messages**Saved pictures

*Play-dates**Birthday Parties
*Long days**Short afternoons
*Sleepy nights**Calm
*Tea parties**Connections
*Boats

*Atlantic street names**Brisk Walks
*Scarves**Hats
*Curious children
*Vendors
*Blackberry Brew
*Sea glass jewelry
*Real rrrrollling r
*Multi colored homes
*Still Water Lake
*Canadian Geese that flock to little hands scattering crumbs.
*A little time to share

Ragged Hearts

2011-02-24T15:52:00.001-07:00

Thank you Karin, for this Quilt.
For sharing a heart pouring over with the love language of this gift.
I love you.
Through the years you have known me, read my words, your friendship truly encourages many aspects in life.

"Some of the hearts I sewed are misshapen, lop-sided, not very much like hearts! But then I thought of all the many, many hearts you have connection with. Some of our hearts are ragged, some lop-sided, some misshapen!"

Until the day I really knew it was time to open up, to start writing.
Through the moments, I would try so hard to hide this heart.

It's in the broken places that we see healing.
As it reaches and churns from the depths of our memories.

Flee or flight had been a theme for the walls that had been gathered around myself.

Protecting a heart.
This ragged heart.

On the seventh day God had finished his work of creation, so he rested from all his work. Genesis 2:2

6 days.

As each stitch was added to this grand masterpiece of a world that we all live in.

Just to have all the time of eternity to give thought to how full this creation really can be, must have been breathtaking!

We are created beautifully and wonderfully.

This heart of ours is hidden and divided.
Placed back together tenderly, lovingly by the Creator.

Someone that not only holds us but takes our hand,
cups our face, takes us back to the cross to show us.

This is how much I love you.

How far I would stretch to the ends of the earth
to be with you
to hold you
to save you.

We are reminded & know the feeling of a scar, as our hands are held in His.
Another layer of skin that covers but does not hide; a scar that is now, perfectly ragged.

When he had received the drink, Jesus said, "It is finished." With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit. -John 19:30

Starting fresh is in the depth & width of the words pouring through an intricately written book of Truth.

Snow falling fresh, staying, lingering during the cold months of this winter. What more can we cover, how much longer can we rest?

As the snow begins to melt and the wind blows in a dusting from the caps of nearby mountains.

I wait.

Freedom to place these pieces back together.
Grace to keep picking them up. Honesty to share the whole truth.

Freedom to give love tenderly from this ragged heart.

It’s in the ways we Love

2011-02-14T09:34:00.001-07:00

**June 14, 1997**15 Valentines Days together**4 skip years

**5596 days flew by after our eyes met for the first time.

**The early morning coffee brewed perfectly just in time.

**Little notes found on the computer**Text messages on our phone

**The favourite toque that I knit and you wear for everyone to see.

**Love songs written for me and sung by you for everyone to hear.

**Our children that laugh and run and play**Late night talks

**Tea time at midnight**Heart shaped egg breakfasts**Just because

**Pictures together**Walks along this path of life

**An open screen to write**107. Counting the ways that we love.

Bundles of Love

2011-02-07T12:19:00.001-07:00

73* A new doll sling to hold a lovey close.

74* Patches of sunlight to capture hopeful warmth.

75* Cut out hearts, bits of ribbon, and wool for treasured gifts.

76* Moments of truth that speak to our hearts.

77* New friends.

78* Love languages.

79* Writing memoirs, in my head.

80* Words of affirmation.

81* Anticipated reads, new books, and trips to the library.

82* One Thousand Gifts

83* Made to Crave

84* Thin Places

85* Noteworthy Quotes.

86* My children as they grasp my hand, trying not to slip on the ice.

87* With their eyes shut tight and cheeks rosy from smiling so long.

88* & I hold them close.

89* Each picture that writes a thousand words.

Thin Place: Living Waters

2011-02-03T14:30:00.001-07:00

http://www.marydemuth.com/2011/02/alicia-wilson-thin-place-living-waters/

03 FEBRUARY 2011

The memories began to flood into my dreams, taking over the night.

More than three decades had past, but I could still remember my first years, and first memories.

Still to this day unspeakable horrors constantly follow me as reminders.

In the night they would haunt me with the past, taunt me with protecting the present, and cause me to grip the reality that it was ‘all gone’ now.

I silently cried until my pillow was drenched and then lay awake until the hours slipped away.

A familiar gentle peace, of one small sliver of light, poured over me.

As my mind began to relax a vivid image of my silhouette began to take form.

It was somewhere on a lake, cascaded on the dock, while the waves lapped up on my legs and the shore was clearly visible.

The light began to fade and I listened to my own voice;

Today is the day that I prayed for you.

Yesterday is past, tomorrow still has time to start.

I stood watching you in the glass reflection, you paused with me and smiled for a instant.

Today is the day I prayed for you.

Do you feel your heart healing, and your mind relaxing?

It’s going to be in a minute that will pass, or perhaps an hour that comes and goes, please remember.

I love you to pieces and I am so pleased to know that you have walked this journey with me. You opened my eyes to the loving hands and hearts that surround my life, believe with me that this will only be one prayer, the rest has bathed you in waiting.

Notice this passage:

“On the last and greatest day of the Feast, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, ‘If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him.’” -John 7:37-38

Feel it now? Jesus is streams of Living Water for you and for me.

Finding Healing Welcome

2011-01-31T12:00:00.001-07:00

The excerpt is from Mary DeMuth: This week I’m launching my Audio Healing Retreat, Get Past the Past. In celebration of that, I’m inviting friends around the blogosphere to share their stories of healing. Today’s guest is by Ann Voskamp, a story poet who shares her life in the most stark, beautiful ways.

My Mama was diagnosed with split personality disorder and my dad loved me more than her.

We all split.

I remember how my heart did, how the shards drove into everything. How bearing secrets made the breathing hard.

My mama nods now that it is all true and no daughter should ever feel that and no mama should ever live knowing that and…

There are things a family never breaks the silence and faith to speak aloud, for fear they’ll break.

My Mama did.

The end of one summer, the end of August and it’s heat, she signed herself into a psychiatric ward, all the inner places shattered. We weren’t to speak of that. Dad told my brother and I, my baby sister, straight and firm: the neighbours, our teachers, our cousins, were never to know where Mama went. We were to keep the secret. How was he to know we’d become the secret’s dark underbelly?

I went to Mr. Perrie’s grade 4 class everyday all through September and all through October and all through November and I never told a living soul that I had no Mama at home, that we visited her on the weekends in a locked ward, that I did my own laundry and I made every meal for us us, every pork chop and baked potato, and I tucked my baby sister into bed every night and made my brother’s lunch for school the next day.

And every night my dad asked for my ear to hear all his hurts and my heart could hardly hold it all.

I was nine.

When the walls of my heart cracked, I leaked out slow, in the dark, in my pillow, in my begging prayers. I never told my best friend, Melanie Vermeer, where my Mama had gone. I never stopped pressing the lips tight. In her ward room in the city, my Mama sat in shadows and wrestled the demons, and secrets of what her own father had done to her in a long ago dark.

Why repress our stories? Isn’t that all we have — our story and The Word who keeps writing our story?

Tight lips can suffocate till life lies limp, and secrets can smother and leave you for dead.

Mama was living proof that keeping secrets keeps you sick. Or maybe her and I were both the dying proof of it.

I grow up. I keep my secrets tight and my secrets keep me tight.

We all thought the secrets would save us… but they slowly slay us.

I can show you my scars.

I have six babies. And the last, the freckled and mopsy one, she loves this game where she hangs an arm around my neck and pulls me close, cups my ear in her dimpled hand and she lisp-whispers warm and thick.

“I’m gonna tell you sumpin’ in your ear, kay? Then you tell me sumpin’ in my ear, kay?”

This child tells me her secrets. She tells me, bits of her brushing up against me, and her words tickle close and open and brave and I think: this is a meeting. This is a holy revealing. An invitation. A way to heal. She’s telling me who she is on the inside — the only real side.

Then she turns. Her mop of curls falls to her other shoulder. She waits for me. She wants me to whisper right into her who I really am. The child shows me:

The only way to be real … is to reveal.

The only way to heal… is to be honest.

With ourselves, with God, maybe with one other person.

Can I?

My Mama writes the past in a prayer journal. I come to write my skin on a screen. When ink lays the secrets bare, God unveils a bit of Himself in words because that is who He is, Word and Truth, and this is what binds up my wounds.

I know the terror of telling the truth. But for me, after my Mama’s childhood, after mine, I am far more scared of the secrets. Because it’s keeping secrets that keep us from being real. From being fully alive. From really healing.

It is true: I am terrified to be real. But I am far more afraid to be false. Which would mean I cease to be.

I lean in close to this child waiting. I tuck one stray spiral strand. I cup my hand to her curl of ear, fuse us together, and isn’t it that it is worth everything to tell our secrets?

Because our story is who we are, and if we deny it, we deny not only our own selves – we deny the very Author Who’s writing this redemptive epic.

I whisper to this child of ours, “I have sumpin’ to tell you.”

And she nods, and I tell a secret to our little Shalom, daughter whose name means peace and healing and wholeness.

Photos and Text: Ann Voskamp @ Holy Experience

50* I am in awe still of that day in June on top of little mountain, as we entered into a holy union of Marriage.

51* I still feel it in my chest, the first time I looked at each of our children.

52* I still feel the loss of letting go of each of our three waiting children, to the holiest of playgrounds. Heaven.

53* I am forgiven though I still wait for the truth to set me free.

54* By His beautiful grace, this moment is my life.

55* For the hug from an intuitive friend, without words in the gentle firmness I know, strength.

56* For the familiar church with the angles that I have watched being built, wrote on the studs of the foundation, attended many years, cleaned all rooms, greeted new faces and dear friends, smiled and sobbed, watched many children be greeted for the very first time....

57* The lost look in a friends eyes, missing that knowing cup of tea, with the inside comments that are endearing.

58* The way he closes me in his arms, rests his chin on my head. If I turn my head just so; my ear hears his heart, feels the warmth of breath, and tender grace.

59* How our children play so well with new friends, and we share a peaceful afternoon.

60* A knock on the door with an unexpected gift. Treasured for many years, but passed on to me because she sees a need.

61* Beautiful blogs of friends whom I have met on this side of our earth, and others that may just keep passing on their gifts of writing without ever meeting in person.

62* Colleen who shared beautiful blog awards http://thecolorspectrum.blogspot.com/2011/01/spotlight-is-now-onyou.html

63* Kimberley and her gift filled list that opened the doors of my gratitude offering.

64* Ann, her poetic gifts, and this quote:

65* The only way to be real … is to reveal.

66* The only way to heal… is to be honest.

67* Secrets to unfold.

68* The line from a worship song. "Open the eyes of my heart Lord"

69* All colors vibrant & dull.

70* Many dolls that are willing to have tea parties with her.

72* How all of her bags that are packed, all have a gift for someone else to share with.

a little knitting

2011-01-26T17:16:00.001-07:00

& felting

To have and to hold

2011-01-26T12:05:00.000-07:00

From this day forward.

Writing on Marriage, oh how I feel the need to express a joy that is patiently blooming from trust.

His hand reaches out to me and I still try to climb down the tree of fear.
The soothing voice, the wrapping arms. Tenderly waiting..for me.

This musician has played many songs and waited for my season to end. I have thrown myself into the role of an ever adoring wife, who admires, who listens, and who shrinks away when the spotlight is turned directly in my direction.

A gift of Marriage, a holy union. One that I dreamed about from an early age, and was frightened to want.

"Let’s sail away to the deep seas, and leave all the worries behind. When the tidal waves crash into the shore, we will watch from a distance from the safety of this realm.”

I am willing to give up the limitations that make my life a secret. Along with the guidance of a knowing counsellor, this is the time to write more. To place those missing puzzle pieces together precisely, now at an early age. With knowing prayers. A peace that blankets me at night as I rest. Surrounded by my family in this home, although craving the silence.

by myself
alone.

Listening now to the heavy sleeping breaths, eventually it is time for rest, as every hour passes. My shoulders curl in with a searching for our bed, leading me to a warm sanctuary to rest in.
I fall asleep near him, comforted by this familiar place.

You have my heart dear husband. You are patient & kind. Protecting & caring. Joyful & prayerful.

for our family,

all encompassing surrounding this life,

for us.

The peace of a quiet still voice encouraged me forward.
Open my heart to the constant renewing of love pouring in.
I am willing to give up the worried dreams from the past.
To write it out on pages, with the dust of many years.
That as each day starts I am led into the day being prayed for from the beginning.

Lord I pray for my husband & I as his bride. May peace and grace be given within this life for the time that You give us together on earth. I pray for this journey that is our life, a holy union. Bless each one of us truly by the other, with the gifts You give us. Please make Your face to shine upon us all our days forever together. Amen.

Happy Birthday Ethan

2011-01-23T09:51:00.000-07:00

You came into the world with a robust wail, letting the world know you had arrived safely. As I slept your Dad held you, to gaze at a new son, a beautiful boy. As the weeks passed your smiles grew more frequent, so big, so joyful. I want to remember all the stories I have heard you tell, the memories that you can recall so vividly. The dreams of the future, the hopes for tomorrow.
Ethan Alex Wilson. Your name you would tell anyone, means:
Strong Defender of man. You my son, a blessing, a believer, and I cannot wait to see what this year brings for you!

41* You see life differently then we do, you always find an interesting way to view the world.
42* Celebrating 9 years of knowing you. Believing that.
43* Silly smiles and wiggly teeth, holes in the knees of your pants from being wild at play.
44* Math, numbers, equations, how much I treasure playing these games with you.
45* The one good friend that you have had since birth, that laughs at all your jokes, and is serious when you need him to be.
46* The dark hair and intense brown eyes
47* For your Dad & I, who are thankful for you every day.
48* Your body clock and the way you are awake before anyone else.
49* Joy comes in the morning, and I pray it rests with you in the night.

Last breath

2011-01-20T22:04:00.001-07:00

She grasped my hand. Hung on for dear life.
I felt every pulse from our life together, in those last minutes.
There was no way I wanted to let go.
33 years from the moment she held me in my first moments, seconds before my first wail..she would leave in the evening of the very same day. As I grasped a little gentler, her grip tightened.

I love you dear.

I lay my head on her lap and felt the words rising. A song.
Quietly ending with whispers, uttering..there lay a blessing with both of our hearts. “Over the mountains and the sea..your love for me now overflows, ..and I will daily lift my hands, I’ll let the healer set me free..

She took one last look at me soaking in all the moments we have had, all the times that we shared. Her eyes gave me a clear message, that I was a deep part of her life, and she knew from that long pause in this short life that it was time..I felt my soul ache for a moment. The knowing look, that heaven was waiting.
Our last encounter,
our goodbye.

This song is an invitation to let go,
When you have a chance to listen, enjoy.
From her album Finding Beautiful.

Angels
(c)2004 Jaylene Johnson

You always found a way to be in wonderland
You could turn your head and laugh at bitter days
So as I held your fragile hand I couldn’t help but think
That my sadness for your broken life seemed out of place

Cause in the loneliness and sorrow of that sterile room
Amid the waiting that hung heavy in the air
A glory meshed with murmurings your efforts made
And approached you as the end came near

And I could almost hear the angels
As they sang their heavenly song
I could almost hear them saying
Welcome home

I watched you as your glazed eyes looked around you
And I wondered at the things that you could see
Then spirit met raw life in suspended time
And I didn’t dare breathe

They bent to kiss your cold forehead and say their last goodbye
Their tears fell warm upon your face
But with quiet peace, joy at your release
You embraced a brand new day

And I could almost hear the angels
As they sang their heavenly song
I could almost hear them saying
Welcome home

2011-01-18T09:22:00.000-07:00

Quietly
I listen
& know

“The steadfast of mind
You will keep in perfect peace,
Because he trusts in You.”
Isaiah 26:3

Moments

2011-01-17T09:14:00.001-07:00

26* A soft cheek, to kiss good morning.

27* A morning hug & ‘Hi my gorgeous’ ringing through the halls.

28* A leap & A bound, learning that this morning is not for school, it is for play.

29* An inquisitive son who wants to know if he can dress up as a Jedi to go to the science center.

30* A silent prayer, for tender hearts, answered gracefully.

31* Laughing.

32* A half written song.

33* Lyrics written years ago, that still sound new.

34* The smell of freshly washed hair, as they snuggle in to warm up after a bath.

35* 11 years old and sensitive to a hug & a good cry for the love of family.

36* Music played with the feeling.

37* Watching him play music in front of crowds again.

38* A Welcome sign.

39* The memory of washing each others feet.

40* The first notes of a favourite song.

2011-01-15T09:34:00.001-07:00

2011-01-15T08:50:00.000-07:00

You can say they are Awesmazing!

Ingredients:
1 cup unsweetened applesauce (or peeled, cored apples-blended)
1 tsp. coconut oil
1/2 cup raw sugar
2 tsp. vanilla extract
3/4 cups almond flour*
1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon
1/2 cup chocolate chunks of your choice.
To Make:
Preheat oven to 350.
Use coconut oil liberally to grease 9 by 9 pan.
Mix the applesauce, 1 tsp. coconut oil, and vanilla extract.
In a separate bowl mix the dry ingredients. Then mix the wet ingredients with the dry. Mix them together well, but do not add any more moisture even if its a bit dry.

Fill pan & bake for 20 minutes.
Try to watch them: The brownies are done when they are barely firm to the touch on the top.
Let them cool for 10 or so minutes before eating.
To add an extra whip on top: mix 1 can of chilled coconut cream and 1/4 cup icing sugar then add right before serving.
Enjoy!!

~Posting a favorite recipe again with a different flour.*
Almond flour is one we have tried using in baking instead of wheat.
While rice flour is more being used for anything needed to thicken our soups or make sauces.
Another amazing recipe*http://glutenfreegoddess.blogspot.com/2006/01/dark-chocolate-brownies.html

Your Hands

2011-01-10T11:26:00.000-07:00

I felt the all too familiar feeling of falling off that cliff
into the Psalms for comfort.
In one moment our life changes dramatically in a way we hoped and prayed it wouldn't. We topple off into thin air.
Either way, we're safe, we're protected. Either way we can trust that we'll land in Your Hands. Knowing, the Lord is near to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. I have become like broken pottery, but I trust in: 'Your Hands' Lord, to restore me.

I listen to our piano when he thinks we are distracted, as he plays we soak in the melody. The harmony, the richness of choruses our children have grown up listening to since they began safe in my body. Cherished there for months waiting, listening, and entering the world listening to their Dad’s voice, playing throughout the delivery room. Fingers that are surely feeling the music, while passing it on to another generation.

~While the moments continue on in multitudes.

12* Watching & listening to all of our children practice music together.

13* Stay here with Me.

14* Take my life make it clay, shape my life in intricate ways.

15* Driving quietly, with assurance both ways, for 26 hours.

16* Staring at the grandeur of the Rocky mountains out the window.

17* Sinking my nose into fresh ground coffee beans while breathing deeply!

18* Remembering a coffee shop we built, co-owned and operated when our oldest was 8 months old.

19* Granville's coffee shop. German chocolate mochas.

20* Tea house gatherings.

21* A family of friends who embrace us as we are.

22* Watching the tip of ice fields out our windows.

23* Miracles

24* Doukhobor borscht

25* Bare feet all year.

2011-01-07T09:42:00.000-07:00

2011-01-04T00:31:00.005-07:00

Welcome Gifts

Pausing in my corner of the couch, a nook that holds pillows and trinkets from many visits from my children..

I hear a small voice...please mommy listen.. shhh did you who that, did you who that sound?
My best friend is hiding..can you who him mommy, he's singing a song.

I did hear that..he's singing can you find me darling dear, can you find me sister here..
her little fingers grasp my hand and it tangles within the wool, 'giggling' she jumps up to be carried.
Then with her still wound in the knitting, we continue to unravel the mystery of
where her brother may be.

1* The start of a hope filled year.

2* Listening in the middle of the night to a still small voice, welcoming prayer.

3* Numbering an offering of thanks, with joy.

4* 2 sons, 2 brothers, sitting facing each other eager to learn on their salvaged guitars, playing while smiling as their new fingering makes music.

5* Going ahead. Giving away.

6* Quiet long hours lulled by the sounds of snoring, the echos of a home relaxing.

7* One arm resting on the curve of my hip, as we sway for a moment watching the snow games
outside.

8* More last minute handmade gifts.

9* Lost wooden treasures.

10* Afternoon belly laughs.

11* The leaf pendant from someone who knows me, though an anonymous gift.. wearing it I am reminded to pray often, share deliberately, and remember the peace I feel knowing I am known.

Celebrating Christmas 2010!

2011-01-01T20:53:00.000-07:00

Incredible how much our family have fit into this
last year, and yet the time seems to still
move on.. slowly by.
We are settling in to a new town,
a new school, a new job, and a new life.
All the while missing those that we hold dear
to our hearts, near and far away.

January. After spending 10 years in an around the
town of Linden, we made the transition to move away.
We moved to a gorgeous acreage for 6 months and then after deciding to stay local (instead of building a thatch hut in Costa Rica) we moved to our new home in Three Hills.
It has all the small town charm that we have grown accustomed to and is also the town that Daryl was raised in. After all these years we are staying close to a lot of friends and family.
Though the changes have been hard for our children each one has found something that they really enjoy and are building on those hobbies.

Daryl had the chance to join a friend on the open sea for a few days on the West Coast and after hauling this salmon from many leagues under the sea he proudly sent me this photo from the boat. You can tell it was an amazing trip! Daryl continued in self-employment for the beginning of 2010 until a local recording studio was in need of another engineer and he was over the moon to be apart of that opportunity. He has returned to self-employment now, working on his own projects through the same studio. While finding time to fix computers, tune pianos and he also released another album on his birthday. http://www.hereboymusic.com

Alicia (me) I have spent countless hours, doing everything that can be imagined as mommy, wife & friend. Knitting & writing has become something that I find myself enjoying when I am fully swayed by the little time that is left in the day. This month I finally published 2 patterns and they have had a lot of positive feedback. I am looking forward to the next one already. Here is one:
http://barefooties.blogspot.com/2010/12/winter-solstice-tunic.html

Azaelea is a joyful 3 year old who is now talking so much, singing countless songs while dancing to her own beat. She is the youngest and spunkiest out of our 4. Here is a debut to her piano playing.

Kai is 6! He started the year at Three Hills School in Kindergarten. This is becoming the highlight of his week as every time he returns from school there are many exciting stories and new numbers that he is learning. Kai is a natural leader and you can often find him ‘figuring’ out how things work, such as flashlights, & even the clothes dryer. He even asks for help when things are too big or too complicated to put back together.

Ethan is 8 and will soon be 9! He is counting down the days to the most exciting day of the year. 23/01/2011! As he states the first Birthday in our family is his. Ethan is looking forward to the new soccer team that he will be a part of. He is asking about acting, gymnastics, tae kwon do & piano. At the moment he is learning guitar on a salvaged seagull guitar that is a prized possession. Ethan continues to enjoy school and you will find him working on many equations, reading novels, drawing amazing Manga animation as well as many interests that he does very well.

Asher is 11, (can you believe that!). He is having a tough time with all the changes this year and we are slowly finding new activities that he enjoys. Including swimming, mechanics, guitar, computer animation, media, building, theatre. You may find him in our garage working on his latest hobbies and interests. Asher enjoys getting everyone involved in all his activities and is often daydreaming about what the summer will bring many years ahead. At the dinner table we have conversations about his dreams for the future and that sparks a lot of different angles to everyone else's participation.

Here is hoping we get a full family photo next year.

Sending warm blessings of Christmas peace, from our home to yours!

Love from Daryl, Alicia,
Asher, Ethan, Kai & Azaelea Wilson

2010-12-31T17:40:00.007-07:00

A New Year. A New Word.

Today we have arrived at New Years Eve.
In remembrance of a whole year that went by.
Celebrating the end of 2010.

At the end of 2009 we arrived at the New Year
with a year ahead knowing it would be full of changes.
Our hearts were anxious,
and searching while
learning new footing.
Instead of resolutions, we dived into the everlasting love within our faith.
The word for this last year, the feeling we had all year was

Faith.

Oh when we gain our strength from our weakness in the quiet moments we mourn.
But God called me to leap ahead into that new year with faith, to feel nothing beneath my feet. I am thankful for the growth.

To trust that within the air is - Your Hands - that will catch me.

2010. It has been a growing year after loss,
searching,
continuing to follow a dream together.
It has been a year full of learning everyday,
with the hope of more in the coming year.
One that was full of change,
new friends that have grabbed hold of a dear place in our hearts,
reflecting together within our family throughout the whole year.
I am learning & finding sharing to be easier than it has ever been before..
"Tomorrow is only a day away and I pray for strength right now."

I have been meeting new friends, sharing some of the journey on this blog here with you.
Thank you for the time you spend reading.
I wish for you and the ones you love dearly & hold close, a hopeful New Years!
I hope that we may all continue to be full with blessings, building beautiful memories.

Someone in my life this year said clearly.
God makes no mistakes.
Therefore He will never need to be forgiven.
As this New Year arrives triumphantly again
after the birthday of Jesus, may we know.
Where the spirit of the Lord is there is freedom.

One word.

Hope

In all my words that I have written this year, I want to share this one.
For those that change,
Growing constantly on their journey.
For those that mourn,
Longing for peace within answered prayers.
For those who share what breaks your heart with writing,
or with someone who is trusted.
For those who are listening & reading over many times what
they have shared in their own trials and joys.
For those who come alongside them, gaining footing in their trust.
For those that choose to make a difference,
And others who do not know which way to turn.
For you, me & for us.
A word for this New Year. A feeling for 2011.

Hope

May Wonders Of His Love Be A Christmas Blessing.

2010-12-20T18:13:00.001-07:00

The frost glistening in the sunlight.

A smell of pine fresh with dew.

Softly falling snow

Winter’s golden embraces.

Blankets o’er the fields

Resting peacefully

As the winter nights unfold

Hearts grow warmer with the cold

Peace of mind is all you know

A baby sleeping by the light of the moon

A life to live

See how much there is to give

See how strongly you believe

See how much you may receive

Smiling faces all around

Laughter is the only sound

Memories that can’t grow old

Winter’s gold,

Lake is frozen over

All around reminders of you

Are everywhere I go.

Wishing you the wonders of His love.

Winters golden embraces

2010-12-20T17:56:00.001-07:00

Thank you for...

a calm and peaceful day today.

taking the kids so I could do my Christmas shopping

going sleigh riding with the kids so I could work

making plans and getting us out of the house

always keeping the house stocked with food

making sure we are all well dressed

doing mountains of laundry. Huge mountains. Many mountains.

always encouraging me with my music

blogging and sharing your life with others

teaching me what empathy and compassion are

and not giving up on me and my issues

knitting me a toque. It's my most favorite thing I've ever been given. Ever.

encouraging me to have friends

showing me how to face fears

Thank you for love.

These are my words, my thoughts, my feelings for you:

You are amazing. Truly.

You are gifted and I admire you.

You are gracious and kind. I've seen it so many times.

You are generous and compassionate, giving more than you receive.

You are wise as a woman, a listener and a friend.

Your knitting is amazing. Your creations are not mere garments, but blessings.

Your heart is precious - thank you for sharing it with me.

I love you, Alicia.

~Daryl

Sending Warm Blessings Of Peace & Radiant Joy.

2010-12-16T13:41:00.001-07:00

The lights flicker at night as I continue to embrace warm blessings. Joining friends that find peace in the waves of gratitude that engulf them with hope. My list has been growing throughout this year, more often when I know that this is how I see it clearly in writing..

..taking a deep breath.. exhale.. repeat..

17. I will always love that feeling when my heart skips a little watching my children, remembering the first moment they were placed in my arms.

4. Secret gifts of Christmas blessings.

47. New friends that have grabbed hold of a dear place in my heart.

22. Traditions passed on from one generation to the next with the hopes that it will continue from mine to the little ones and so forth.

7. Learning the very words that cause a tear to fall safely and a smile to form on her lips when all she needed was a Mothers warm embrace.

10. Taking one dream and building another one even smaller.

77. Safely coming home to a warm house and welcoming arms, that let you just be.

11. Lists numbered with my favourite numbers, just because.

20. A familiar gathering of friends that have inside stories to tell just as we have done for many years.

40. One cup of steamy coffee waiting for me next to the project I can quietly continue. As a little one naps peacefully with her head on my lap.

1. Prayer, Pictures with words, Peace.

The Girl Effect

2010-12-10T20:45:00.001-07:00

Today I was inspired by this movement. Bringing people together to partner in prayer for Girls at Risk in Niger.
http://girleffect.org/question
Chantelle McIver writes:
”Why do we do what we do here in Niger? Our newest program is running the Girls at Risk School that I’ve previously talked about. Child marriage is out of control here in Niger and we have seen first hand it’s devastating effects. Young girls forced into prostitution to make ends meet and bring money home, often told to not come home (by their parents!) until they make a certain quota.

Many people have written on this topic. In my words and some of theirs as well, here is a summary of the problem. Want to join forces with us and pray for one of these girls in our school? Let me know. We can use all the prayer warriors we can get!”

http://chroniclesofourjourney.blogspot.com/2010/12/girl-effect.html
Please follow this link to her empowering blog, and spread the word! Education will make a world of change in the lives of these young women and bring a brighter hope in their large communities.

Winter Solstice Tunic

2010-12-08T21:51:00.000-07:00

In this season of brisk weathers, it is a perfect time to cozy in with some knitting. Here is one to start with:
A simple tunic pattern, knit in the round from the top down.
This pattern is very versatile.
It can have length added for a dress,
and/or sleeves added to make a cozy sweater.
This tunic is sized to fit a 2 or 4 year old.
An easy pattern for a sweet natural gift.

You will need:
200 yards of Lopi or Bulky yarn 2(3) skeins
1 circular needle size US8 (5mm)
1 stitch marker
1 yarn needle
2 wood beads

Pattern: Size 2(4)

1. cable cast on 62(64) stitches, then place marker.
2. begin by knitting 1 row in the round. careful not to twist stitches.
3. purl
4. knit
5. purl
6. K1f/b every stitch to the end. 124(128) stitches
7. purl
8. knit
9. purl

10. knit2tog to the end. 62(64) stitches
11. purl

12. *K1, K1f/b* repeat**to the end. 93(96) stitches
13. purl
14. knit
15. purl
16 K1f/b every stitch to the end. 186(192) stitches
17. purl
18. knit
19. purl
20. K2tog to the end. 93(96) stitches

21. purl
22. *K2, K1f/b* repeat**to the end. 124(128) stitches
23. purl
24. knit
25. purl
26. K1f/b every stitch to the end. 248(256) stitches
27. purl
28. knit
29. purl
30. K2tog to the end. 124(128) stitches

31. purl
32. *K3, K1f/b* repeat** to the end. 155(160) stitches
33. purl
34. continue the pattern of *knit a row, then purl a row*
until garment measures 4(4.5)inches
from cast on.

35. Separate sleeves as follows:
knit 22(23), cast off 30(31), knit 51(52), cast off 30(31), knit 22(23).
-remaining stitches 95(98).

36. knit to first sleeve cast on 7(8) stitches using backwards loop method, knit to second sleeve cast on 7(8) stitches, knit to end of the round. 109(114) stitches

37. knit in the round until body measures 7(8) inches from sleeve cast off, or to a longer length if desired.

38. purl
39. knit
40. purl
41. knit
42. purl
43. knit
44. purl
45. cast off knit wise. weave in ends.

Note of extra ideas:
If you find the yoke too wide on a petite frame embellish the top by weaving in leftover yarn through the top of the tunic, make sure that the yarn is sturdy enough to tug on. Add wood beads at the ends for an extra touch, then it will have a drawstring effect, as your child grows. I invite you to enjoy this pattern, and please post a picture.

Peace

2010-12-05T10:26:00.001-07:00

My heart is heavy laden with the sorrows this time of year brings forth. Tears fall freely in silence.
Christmas draws closer and I feel a loss,
a burden that grips at my chest and does not let off any ease.
As each day passes and I follow a routine about the day,
distractions cause a slower pace.
Sometimes I stop to write down these thoughts,
other times I feel that someone else may need prayer.

Lord l pray for all of us that call out to you in praises. Hallelujah! & also in hours of need. Light our way Lord Jesus when we feel lost. Please teach us the journey that we are on, fill our hearts with your love & grace.. Share the truth about giving when we have little, as it multiplies in all the heavens as blessings. Amen.

“Mom will we have presents this year,
will the sky light up like the shepherds saw,
will we see a miracle?”

Innocence is a wonderful teacher, for my heart.

You will be amazed this year and next.
Just as you always have with this Season.
Of Hope
Longing
Of Peace
Belonging
Of Joy
Hallelujahs
Of the traditions
Lights
Of just being here
To celebrate on earth
Christmas Day.
Wrap your arms around me I want to feel you close.

Our tree stands silent with barely a light that shines.
And all decorations from every year that we have spent together is gathered together in a tub in front, with hats and stockings and shiny ribbon delights.
The glow of the lights and candles burning bright is still waiting
patiently,
waiting…
Then memories I have of Christmases past take only moments to ponder, delight and we feel younger again.
For years I have enjoyed teaching the children giving and giving away. Telling stories about the true meaning of this celebration.
Making, sharing and joining carol choruses.

This is why I choose to write.
To join in with many friends around the world.

Wishing you all a festive season of Peace.

Lyrics

2010-12-03T20:55:00.001-07:00

The days will come when you don't have the strength
When all you hear is you're not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful
And praying that you have the heart to find
Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight
For all the lies you've held inside so long
And they are nothing in the shadow of the cross
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful
Before you ever took a breath
Long before the world began
Of all the wonders He possessed
There was one more precious
Of all the earth and skies above
You're the one He madly loves
Enough to death
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
In His eyes
You're beautiful
You were meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You're meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His

~Mercy Me

Bamboletta Dolls

2010-12-02T20:49:00.000-07:00

I was 30 when I saw a bamboletta doll for the first time on Etsy. A frequent place that I would peruse. This is where I purchased the first one. While I was waiting for that shipment it was a very introspective time. Writing more childhood memories. I read her blogs, found other stores online that sold these dolls and in the process many letters were sent back and forth to the creator of the dolls. Christina Mattiello. A stay at home mama, working from her home in Cobble Hill, B.C.
In addition to all the great communication, I was inspired by a project that she wrote about in her blog, Partnering her dolls with a village project in Guatemala. Moms will be in hand built huts with orphans and they hoped to give each of them a smaller bamboletta.
Project Somos.
At first she said that customs were the best way to go so I sent off a long list of different dolls with all hairstyles, clothes, ethnicity.

Bamboletta Love

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Christina’s reply upon receiving an email for 10 customs.
”I have to ask. I've had people buy 3 and then get them through the years as presents for their friends, but I've never had anyone want so many at once. I'm just curious about your festival of friends.. are they for your children to play with or are you a collector? I love to know where the dolls go :) “
Warmly,
Christina

“Thank You for asking!
There are so many stories that I could share.
These dolls are something I have waited for years.
I was telling my husband that I don't know you but its the sweetest blessing to have found someone with such a gift as yours in these creative expressions!
To be honest 10 is one of my favourite numbers and the dolls that I described will resemble or have the emotions behind some really amazing children (mine included) and friends whom I love dearly that I want to be reminded of often!”

She took the time to give each one a name, a hug, and then added a little treat in each box that was shipped, for all her dolls new homes. Over the last few years they have all visited or have slowly found new homes among friends. But it was a childhood dream of mine that Daryl gave me for mothers day that year. I loved passing them on to Azaelea.

Brilliant Scenery

2010-11-30T09:30:00.001-07:00

I will be driving through the prairies this morning and enjoying the scenery, joining in with some friends to sort shoeboxes at the Samaritans Purse Warehouse. Looking forward to the day!
Waking up early to send the boys to school, I realized that all the months we lived on the acreage throughout the winter, there were no pictures of wonderful Hoar Frost! It’s Majestic!

Love is friendship set on fire

2010-11-26T13:02:00.001-07:00

Welcome-No Vacancy

2010-11-26T00:05:00.001-07:00

No Vacancy
Strings of thread attached to every limb,
Just another face in the crowd.
But to open the box and free the sorrow,
Now all we have is goodbye.
You are here, Welcome dear.
I love you Mother
Arms wide open.
I see your heart,
Why do you walk away?
There is a moment and then eternity,
When we see His love reigning in our lives.
I want to show you, not push you away.

.

When you take a closer look at this solo picture of her you will notice a vacancy in her eyes. It was not acting. I would often try looking into her eyes, and she would avert them to directly keep herself busy. This was a fear of belonging, that I lived with for years. Her own hauntings would continue until she found someone to love again, somewhere to be again, a safety after we left.
I was 4 when we celebrated our return home from here. This was our new life and hometown now. During a walk through the local mall, a photographer caught my attention. He was asking us to dress up! My Grandmother insisted that this would be fun. So I eagerly stripped off all my clothes, and to my shock pulled on the scratchy material. I did not notice the protests my mother said, or portrayed in her body language. It was fun to me while it lasted.
Today was a Thanksgiving day when I missed my extended family. I prepared a feast on the countertop in a portable oven. A roasted bird was presented to my family with the eagerness of the first meal ever made in our home. It felt just as if this second Thanksgiving that we celebrated was actually a Welcome Home. We belong here; we are safe, loved, and protected.
Grateful to have my family together.
Blessed beyond measure.

In the stillness of memories

2010-11-22T11:22:00.000-07:00

My family growing up is Canadian, with American heritage
(I was the first to be born in Canada). We also hold Ukrainian traditions.
We celebrated 2-3 thanksgivings, 2-3 Christmases most every year with lots of meals together traditionally.

Our family was large.

We often would spend the festivities outside enjoying hay rides, hot chocolates, warm cider and handmade crafts.
There would be a roaring fire indoors for all of us to gather around and platters of food to enjoy buffet style.

Children would be scattered on the floor eating or sleeping,
& adults all over any furniture that was in the house.
It was not uncommon to see 6-8 people all over the sofas.

Gathering together from dawn until dusk, every weekend.

Once the weeks of December 21-Jan.7 came around there was many a day, spent all together. Our main celebrations for Christmas were spent in Salmon Arm. Our Thanksgivings (October & November) were the time to travel. Every year it was a different location. My favourite times were travelling to visit Grandparents, where my Uncles would also join us.

When we were little it was a rare occasion.

The smells
Oh the traditions
& knowing what to expect never changed.

As a Mom now myself, I knew what to prepare my children
& Husband for, each time we made the trek to their gorgeous part of the country.

Even though I didn't have a lot as a child, I always knew that my parents spent a lot of time preparing, growing and hunting for our food each year. They spent a lot of time preparing meals.

I learned to make up recipes at a young age and found especially baking to be so fulfilling. I knew my family would enjoy any treats that I made. They were delicious & inviting.

Christmas was the perfect time to practice all that I had learned, and I spent many hours baking and filling the counters with cookies, cakes and crisps from our harvested backyard orchard.

As much as I craved the time to share, I also really grasped the feeling at this time of year of hope. Hope that they loved me for who I am and all that I could be.

Every year the smells of evergreen would fill our home and after each snowfall the warmth of the familiar smell was in the air during our daily outdoors chores.

I can remember finally cutting down a tree one Year. We were visiting my Grandparents. I must have been about 7 years old at the time. My Uncle took me into the forest and we found a robust tree. Shaking off the snow hours later, cold and proud, we arrived at the front door ready.

That was the only present I had really wanted to give, to be able to cut one down and decorate it with our handmade ornaments and many bubbling lights.

We had so much fun decorating the tree. I now know we must have decorated that tree every day until Christmas. On Christmas eve after dinner I decided we needed to put more presents under the tree, so we found some empty boxes and wrapping paper.

In each box I would put a note in so it wouldn't be empty.
When we came out to put the presents under the tree there were surprises waiting from Santa. There were toys and new clothes just for us. We knew that our Grandparents had given all the gifts.
& in our joy we never said a word.

I will always cherish the memories I have of my few Christmases that I had as a child with my Grandparents. As I got older and started my own family it became a tradition to always spend at least one day of Christmas celebration with them whether in Alberta or B.C.

This is the first year that they are both gone now.

It is true that some of the fondest memories started when we were children that we have now each year. In the preparation of the Christmas meal, baking, the handmade ornaments, the tree, the songs, and the many friends to celebrate with our family.

Seasons of Giving

2010-11-21T12:07:00.001-07:00

A pattern to follow:

cast on 42 on size US15 needles
for all size needles and gauges make sure the stitches are an even #

1. knit to end
2. knit 1 *YO k2tog* repeat ** to last st knit 1
3. repeat row 1 & 2 until garment is 18” or longer
4. last row-knit to end
5. 3 needle bind off. -Or bind off then mattress stitch ends together.

The simple motions of knitting often become a favourite gift.
For everything there is a season and this one is full of grace.
I have more time to create and less time to buy.
As I do, there is less of a need to keep, and more of a need to give away. I invite you to make one and give it away, Happy Knitting!

Pause for a moment

2010-11-18T11:19:00.001-07:00

Slowly, I wash the table with familiar strokes, back and forth.
The crumbs fall to floor, and the splatters disappear.The plates and cups, and all breakfast remnants are cleared away. I walk over to the sink to start filling it with water, add a dollop of clear soap and watch as the suds begin to rise. It is quiet but there is a feeling as I pause for a moment of, Nothing.
Hoping now, I remember again.This time I am overwhelmed with memories at this table and many more tables that I have paused for some time at. The first plans for Christmas meals, the birthday parties, first solid foods, spilled milk. Friends have gathered here. Family have grown as each meal passes. I remember first meals with new family here. Walking back to the table and looking for all the familiar marks that it now bears. Cups that have knocked over and smashed on the table. Forks that have been fiddled with as someone waits ever so carefully for the food to be placed down in front of them. Hot pots that have scorched through the wood.
I have seen so many tables. Ones that I have been invited to and ones that I have invited myself to. Ones that hold dear memories that I will never know. There is my first meal alone on my own. Tables where stories were told that both inspired and empowered my thoughts. I welcome the past into my present sometimes.
Noticing that the table that is freshly washed is a little empty I fill it with a candle and a large bowl of gathered rocks that our boys have eagerly gave, for their collection. Now all collaborated into one bowl they all have stories as they wait for drinks, food or conversation to start sitting around the table.
“I found this one out back at Grandpa’s shop that time he built the go-cart with me.”
“Do you remember when we went on that old abandoned road and there was a creek where we threw stones. This is one of those throwing stones.”
” I found this one in front of our house, it’s shiny.”
From the moment the boys make contact with their memories, the voices rise about who remembers more correctly until; their mom, little sister or even dad chime in with a “hush quiet, let’s all take turns.” It is still so quiet right now I can hear the bubbles deflating in the dish water, waiting.

“Please just try it, it might be tasty.” I say as the his eyes start darting nervously from the first unfamiliar glances at what’s for dinner.

“Why?” Ethan asks, obviously needing to know that their is hope in this food.

“Because I tried, and its always good to try new things."

“Reeeealllly??”

I smile even in this moment that he paused because I know he will try it. When all is said and done there is always a- “oh ok it is good or no thank you.”
We talk and laugh and are often quiet around this table. But if there is too long of a pause someone always has something to say.
There are memories of our children learning how to give thanks, building crafts, learning to draw, writing their first letters.
Time is always on the move and it sure has epic stories to tell that began at a table..

Drawing memories, with many cups of coffee..

Asher

2010-11-15T13:19:00.000-07:00

http://www.askasher.blogspot.com

2010-11-14T23:38:00.000-07:00

This blog was an additional blog started for Asher, when he was 6 years old. Though all the answers were asked by family and friends, we did have a few occasional visitors. As his parents we would read the questions and in return type the answers for him. This week we had a fun time to reminisce with Asher, as we all gathered together to go through the one page blog together. It was a hearty laugh and fun to share, now that he is 5 years older.

Asher is 11 on Sunday, and I want to share 11 thoughts for him here:

1. One day you will leave home, explore this world on your own agenda, and I will live vicariously through your adventures. One day you will dream of your life here, lived in the past, and remember the adventures those first 11 years brought to our lives.

2. Today as you dream of your future, with the loves in your life, I see your eyes sparkle with all that it could be.

3. The day you were baptized, I remember your prayer, with tears in your eyes.

4. I adore your hugs, from growing arms that become bigger with each day it seems. As you rise up and grow past my eyes I now need to wait for you to sit so I can smell that ever familiar waft from the top of your head.

5. Your sensitivity speaks volumes to many hearts.

6. Keep pursuing that which you are good at. Rediscover lost arts too. Such as drawing, drumming and guitar. Remember that band of yours that was going to put out an album? Ethan was on keyboards too. Jamming Coconuts!

7. Asher I know you love to draw and the 3D is amazing. Within the many hours that you spend drawing, animating, and writing instructions you encourage your siblings to join in with all those discoveries.

8. Asher you encourage Ethan to continue with his Manga drawing, Kai's space drawings that are promptly folded into spaceships, and Azaelea's attempts at experiencing colours.

9. The fierce approach and determination to standing up for your friends has taken you aback this last year and I see you surrounding yourself with those that have the same views.

10. This last year your soft voice has taken on a new tone. One with more wisdom as the year has passed and we have great questions, answers, and discussions about life. In these discussions we discover misconceptions that peers have led you to believe too. In all this I see your curiosity come alive asking more and more in-depth questions.

11. You are You Asher and I love your sense of humour, and contagious laugh, and when you smile hard enough I see a dimple under your left eye. Looking forward to watching this new year go by full of blessings.

Happy Birthday!

Twinkle little Star

2010-11-12T10:49:00.001-07:00

Little birds

2010-11-10T10:39:00.001-07:00

I woke up this morning, with a song flittering through my mind such as two little birds that fly in circles around each other. Remembrance day service at the school today, or gather our little resources and find all the mismatched boots, mitts, scarves and toques for this ever increasing chilly weather and growing children??
Both of these tasks were more important than ever as we tried our best to pack healthy lunches with the little our fridge, cupboards and shelves offered. Oh goodness this is a ache that stays burning bright with hope. I pray for multiplying blessings for each and everyone that feels this incredible sense of insurmountable worry.
Determined to be still and breath, knowing that this is the peace that will carry me through the day. I sat down to write and the words flowed from my fingers bringing light to how I have been feeling. How long it has been sunk down so deep in, the core of my heart, that the cracks were letting it out full force.
Simplify my thoughts, bringing closer a reality that this too shall pass. Time does not stand still in the angst it keeps carving away into the present moment as those moments pass by sometimes with an ever increasing pace.
I was genuinely relieved that there were no chores to be completed. The younger children were playing in soft tones over a play set they enjoyed. Just as the 2 older boys were heading out the door to school and would be stepping on stage now within the hour. I had little to offer them in the way of patience to find matched winter accessories.. Then I read this email that I received from a dear friend. A blessing, to calm, add warm fuzziness, to brighten a day. and share with you.

~Alicia, I'm sure you are feeling the blessings that come from being obedient and honest & real in your exposure into the depths of your personhood. You are a "stone" that has taken a lot of rough abrasions( a serious understatement) and is becoming a refined jewel, so very precious and delicate and beautiful! It blessed my heart to see how much you've grown since the beginning of our relationship.
God will continue to heal your wounds, You are clearly a testimony of God faithfully and gentlely shaping a person into His likeness with Mercy and Grace and Love. I pray that you feel the Lord's presence in a rich way, and feel at peace.~

Its a deep well in my heart issue over a wealth crutch. That is a simplified comparison. I feel challenged by the established rules about where to live, how to get through low points and continue through the rough patches without grasping so hard to the definition of “success.” I realize that this is what simple living is all about. Those who have chosen to break out of the mould per se must be different, not buying into society’s standards and continue to share overall goodness. Be it in life giving words, actions or wares with those in need. By doing what we love rather than doing what’s going to get us the biggest actions, attentions, or paycheques each month. Within the end of this statement I can only hope that I hang onto the words that bring peace.
Because I will continue to believe that “Everything will be alright”

Remembrances

2010-11-08T09:41:00.001-07:00

Click click the knitting needles chimed with a sweet song I discovered. As the melody smoothed out to a soothing tune, and the soft wool ran through my fingers, I paused to hear the momentum of the song end. My mind had continued in turmoil while the morning past and now it relaxed. Often in the quiet, when there is a slow pace at home, there is a calm before the storm.
I whispered aloud how lovely it was that; today my daughter slept the morning through and through.
Watching out the window the sun shone bright. A cloud here and there wisps through the sky that still let the brightness of blue brightly compliment. Perhaps later we shall welcome a midday walk?
The music continued to change and the time slowly went by as I tiptoed through the house trying to keep the solitude and peace.
I found a favourite nook to pick up my knitted pattern but placed it down beside myself again and decided to write in response to a goodbye post of a dear friend.
Entitled: Beautiful Memories.
Hold fast to your remembrances of loved ones.
There is an indescribable delight when our lives intertwine with poetry.
It did not take long before I was lost in thought again, enjoying memories and catching my breath with others.
The thoughts continue as I read an email from a friend that I do not 'know'. This leaves me with a profound hope of what is to come with this writing that I am trying to encounter.
The new-found knitting patterns and one old faithful are becoming a collection similar to recipes of comfort foods.
I rely on these when there is time to invest in stocking the wool chest. While our little daughter quietly wakes up and joins me in my nook, I begin the day. We shall eat and be merry, walk in the briskness of this fall day, and go through the motions while the day folds into afternoon.
We will pause for cuddles and a story or many….
I believe this is where I will go and join her and leave with some familiar poetry, I wrote together with Daryl.

Remembrances
In the stillness
In the quiet place
I can feel you near.
You are forever
I am only a moment
May I see your face?
What I know now
You have always known
You see deeper to that unseen place.
Quiet my heart to the anguish of pain
Move me closer
Please break these chains.
You are the one that saved my soul
My empty life now overflows
When I see that all is new
I know that I am not the same
I see the cross where Jesus died
I see the tomb that opened wide
And now I know your coming back to take me home.